What is that smell?

Knowing

Knowing

Oh I know! Yet another box office turd from Nicolas Cage.

Here’s some premise for ya:  A teacher(Cage) unearths a time capsule that holds a book that makes some predictions, some that have occurred and others that are in the process of happening, this leads him to believe that his family plays a role in the events that are about to go down, and then I imagine it’s time for  4-6 slow motion sequences of Nic and his mane saving the motherf’in world.

If you have a full tank of gas, a $10 bill and you’re masochistic, get in the car and head straight for your local theater to watch Nicolas “whatthehellhappenedtomeafter1997?” Cage in “Knowing”  being released like a rabid monkey into theaters today.

Nic Cage in "Thinking about my mane"

Nic Cage in "Thinking about my mane"

The reviews are pouring in and the word on the street is that this movie is poo. Join me in imagining a world where Alex Proyas, director of “The Crow”, “Dark City”, and now “Knowing” magically makes an amazing disaster movie starring Nicolas Cage, and it turns out to be a cinematic tour de force, reviving Nic’s career and restoring balance to this crazy world.

Dream on folks, I ain’t waking up Halle Berry tomorrow and Nic Cage ain’t going to wake up being Will Smith. He will continue his reign as the king of flop and I will have more fodder for my glorious site.

If you’re smart and bored this weekend, head down to your local superstore pick up a copy of “Face Off” watch it 3 times and maybe then you’ll begin to understand the reason that Nic Cage can still obtain any type of film role in today’s society.

If you want to know what movie to shell out your recession bucks for this weekend, then it’s  “I Love You, Man” all the way. You’ll laugh your ass off and if you take a date you’ll get laid after, it’s that good.

I predict it to take the weekend box office in a big way.

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About Danger Bowie

I love movies/writing/cake.* I hope you enjoy my superfluous rants and urban observations. *Order subject to change depending on the day of the week.

Posted on March 20, 2009, in Movies and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. des…you know i hate this goofy fucker…(imagine the laugh) huuh huuh huuh…stupid gruff voice.

  2. Stacey Campbell

    Is it Da Vinci Code all over again?

  3. Cage wants everyone to know that he’s still relevant, but it’s the same flick-flop every time (duh). I wouldn’t be surprised if his movies have become Bowfinger-like enterprises where all of his performances are cobbled together from outtakes from Con Air, Leaving Las Vegas, and Ghost Rider. Not to mention the man’s from Krypton, just ask him.

  4. What a piece of crock of a film. I agree with Stacey.

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