Zooey Deschanel, star of 500 Days of Summer, married Ben Gibbard, lead singer of Death Cab for Cutie, in a small ceremony this weekend. Hipster boys around the world hold hands in despair while the girls can’t wait to see what kind of dress she adorned on her most special day.
I, on the other hand, am overjoyed by the news of her blessed union. Now I am free to have insane Joseph Gordon Levitt and Shia Labeouf fantasies without having to worry about the cute quirky and impeccably dressed Zooey stepping in on my men. My delusions shall live to see another day.