Here’s some gothic holiday news to die for: Robert Eggers is writing and directing a new adaptation of A Christmas Carol, with Willem Dafoe set to star as Ebenezer Scrooge. Yes, the auteur who brought us The Witch, The Lighthouse and The Northman is tackling Dickens, and nothing has ever made more sense.

Eggers’ obsession with period detail, moral rot, supernatural dread, and doomed white men spiraling into madness is practically embedded in the DNA of A Christmas Carol. Add in Dafoe grumbling through soot-choked, candlelit Victorian streets, and you’ve got something that could haunt your December in the best way.

Naturally, this news inspired a fully unhinged fancast. So, without further ado, here’s how I’d cast this future fever-dream holiday classic:

Jacob Marley: Robert Pattinson

Yes, I’ll always find a way to add Robert Pattinson to my fancast. And yes, he’s maybe a notch too young. But Marley doesn’t have to be Scrooge’s exact peer. He could’ve been a brash, younger whippersnapper taken too soon. Or just age him up. (Please age him up.)

In an Eggers adaptation, Marley would likely be terrifying, if not downright disturbing. Pattinson, who already delivered one of the most berserk performances of the 2010s in The Lighthouse, is perfect. He could embody a soul cursed by his own greed, driven mad by eternity in chains, and be home in time to microwave some pasta, which is something he actually did during a GQ profile.

Ghost of Christmas Present: Paul Giamatti

This role often plays as the most human of the spirits—warm, jolly, but with a bite. Beneath the laughs, he’s deeply aware of how short life is. Edward Woodward played him with a fire-and-brimstone edge in 1984, while Desmond Barrit(1999) brought gravity. Even Jim Carrey added some pathos.

Monsieur Giamatti could bring all of that and then some. His performance could start out warmly bombastic, a larger-than-life figure decked in robes, but gradually unravel into anger and sorrow as he reveals the cruelty Scrooge’s greed has inflicted on the world. Giamatti excels at that slow emotional shift. He’d turn the ghost into a reckoning. A dead reckoning 🥁

Bob Cratchit: Nicholas Hoult

Please understand that I desperately wanted to cast Harris Dickinson in this role, but he’s not quite the right fit. 

But you know who is? Nicholas “About a Boy” Hoult. Bob Cratchit isn’t just a “nice proletariat with a sick kid.” He’s a man caught in the middle of a class system that’s squeezing him dry and killing his kid. Eggers could explore that desperation and the pride and pain that accompany it. 

Hoult has the range to show us a man who’s gentle with his family but simmering with resentment under the surface. He wouldn’t be a pushover per se, but rather someone who chooses kindness over bitterness. A powerful mirror to Scrooge.

Ghost of Christmas Past: Anya Taylor-Joy

Anya Taylor-Joy has already proven she can channel eerie, otherworldly energy. Consider her performances in The Witch and The Northman, both directed by Eggers, who loves reuniting with actors who get his tone.

The Ghost of Christmas Past is meant to feel dreamlike and almost uncanny, and Anya would float through Scrooge’s memories like a beautifully lit blade.

Previous versions have included Angela Pleasence (1977), Joel Grey (1999) and even Jim Carrey, who voiced all three spirits in the 2009 animated version. But Anya would bring platinum-blonde elegance and a haunting stillness that lingers.

Tiny Tim: Jonah Wren Phillips

Jonah Wren Phillips delivered an absolutely revelatory performance as “Ollie” in the A24 horror film, Bring Her Back, where he plays a kidnapped kid who gets brainwashed and tortured by Sally Hawkins from the Paddington movies. Perhaps it’s time for him to take on a slightly lighter role.

This preteen actor has proved he can carry emotional weight without being overly sweet, and that’s what Tiny Tim needs: someone who feels real, not like a Hallmark ornament. Timmy’s the emotional core, and Eggers would definitely avoid the cheese.

Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come: Ralph Ineson

This ghost doesn’t speak and Ineson doesn’t need to. That voice is just a bonus. His towering presence and sheer command of physical space would turn the final vision into a true nightmare. His roles in The Witch and The Northman prove he can embody mythic terror without a single line. 

GOC Yet to Come is traditionally portrayed as a silent figure in black robes, sometimes just a pointing hand. Ineson would make that silhouette unforgettable.

Fred (Scrooge’s Nephew): Harris Dickinson

Huzzah! I found a way to get Harry D. a role after all! 

OK, so, Fred is often overlooked, but he’s one of the most important emotional anchors in A Christmas Carol. He’s Scrooge’s only living family, a persistent optimist who never gives up on his bitter old uncle, every g-d year. In most adaptations, Fred is used mainly as a contrast to Scrooge’s misery: he’s joyful, generous, married to someone he loves, and always ready to forgive.

But there’s more to the character than holiday cheer. Fred lost his mother (Scrooge’s beloved sister, Fan), and he still chooses kindness in the face of rejection. A Robert Eggers version would almost certainly give Fred a lil’ texture, maybe a man living with grief, trying to mend the last connection he has to his mother’s family.

Harris is perfect for that kind of layered performance. He has the emotional depth and restraint to play Fred as someone wounded who shows up anyway, hoping Scrooge will change. With his ability to balance vulnerability and charm, Dickinson could make Fred feel like a genuine human being, rather than a holiday plot device. It’s a tiny role, too, which gives him time to focus on his Beatles movie and directorial work