Andy Samberg; your host for the evening

Andy Samberg photo courtesy andysamberg.us
Andy Samberg photo courtesy andysamberg.us

It was announced this week that Andy Samberg will host the MTV Movie Awards airing May 31st on well, MTV. I’m excited and disappointed all at once. On one hand, Andy and his parody songs will make an appearance and possibly save this crappy 8 hour too long infomercial for Lil Wayne’s jazz cd, but on the other this could make the honorable Andy Samberg take an MTV reknown dank fall from funny, like Jimmy Fallon.With fingers crossed we’ll get to see an amazing opening sequence featuring a certain Mr. NSYNC and a box covering his genitals dance around to a faulty r&b track called, “Dick in a Box” or maybe we’ll listen to 6 minutes of him roasting Paris Hilton and Octo-Mom, while I vomit in sheer disgust.

I think I’ll just TIVO this beauty of a show, get drunk and watch it on rewind. That way we all win.

“Where the Wild Things Are” the Movie

where_the_wild_things_areWhen I first heard that Spike Jonze was adapting my favoritest child’s book into a movie, I messed myself but then I felt regret. Damn Catholicism.

This type of book to film translation thing has not always been the best executed idea in the business but I have hope that the director of the Beastie Boys, “Sabotage” video will do us proud. I am anxiously awaiting the trailer but until then I’ll sit in the blue glow of my computer screen softly caressing my Max plush toy. I am not a pervert.

Good day sir.

“Real Time” is real good

Jay Baruchel and Randy Quaid in "Real Time"
Jay Baruchel and Randy Quaid in "Real Time"

You know kids, it’s plenty easy to get jaded by the thousands of crap movies disguised as indie genius. Sometimes you get lucky and pick a good one on a fluke or sometimes you’re luck is shitty. In the case of “Real Time” written and directed by Randall Cole, starring Jay Baruchel (“Tropic Thunder”) and Randy Quaid (Brokeback Mountain) you get a solid, clean cut, rare indie gem.

Clocking in at about 77 minutes, you get a nice conversational character study with laughs provided by Baruchel and reality checks paid for by Quaid. Baruchel plays “Andy”  a gambling screw up, who owes a lot of money to the wrong people. Quaid plays “Reuben” ,a hit man ,who finds Andy at 1:47pm on a weekday in a shitty part of Canada and let’s him know that unless he pays up his excessive debt he will die by 3:00pm. The movie plays out in real time per the title and what Reuben wants above all else, is for Andy to spend the last hour of his life reflecting and revisiting any worthwhile joys he experienced in this small shit town.

You’ll think you’ve guess the ending in the first 10 minutes but more than likely you’ll be wrong. Take care to enjoy Baruchel’s comedic timing and effective dramatic scenes and then drink up Quaid’s Aussie accent and pseudo James Gandolfini-esque spirit.Don’t rush ahead for the ending and you’ll find that this little film won’t disappoint. Danger approved.

Milk it ’til the last drop Hardwicke!

Twilight: the Director's Notebook
Twilight: the Director's Notebook

Catherine Hardwicke, famously stepped down from directing the Twilight saga in the beginning of November much to the devastation of young vamp-agers everywhere. No one knows the real reason behind the split but one can almost assume it was Kristen Stewart’s mouth acting. Just Kidding.

Catherine started off her career as a production designer in notable films such as “The Newton Boys” starring Skeet Ulrich, “Three Kings” and “Tankgirl” starring the honorable Lori Petty of “Pointbreak” fame. She then went on to direct “Thirteen” a disturbing look at surburban teenaged girls and the “Lords of Dogtown” an awesome memoiry look into the world of the guys who innovated skateboarding.

Rob Pattinson looking cold
Rob Pattinson looking cold

Now with the smash box office success of “Twilight” some genie granted Catherine one final teen mania wish and decided to publish the notes she took while directing this “masterpiece”. “Twilight: the Director’s Notebook is being released in bookstores, Hot Topics, and Claires everywhere. Enjoy everything from costume design to locations, but most importantly with 15 million shots of “It” boy Rob Pattinson this “book” is assured to please the Twi Hards and sell at least a few thousand units to other pre-adolescents. The Twilight merchandising train will chug on toward the March 21 DVD release of the movie to end all movies: “Twilight”. Also available in Blu-ray for 8 times the price.

I’ve included a hot shot of Robby Pattinson so more people will read my blog. Cheers.

Aww, he's just like us, he has pit stains..:)
Aww, he's just like us, he has pit stains..:)

“Duplicity”, a duplicate?

Duplicity featuring Clive Owen and Julia Roberts
Duplicity featuring Clive Owen and Julia Roberts

Arriving in theaters this Friday (yawn) is the action packed (stretch), corporate spy caper starring Clive Owen and Julia Roberts. (Snore). So it only took the big studios 5 years since  the arrival of “Mr. and Mrs Smith” to figure out that sexy spy movies featuring Hollywood A-Listers can make you a buck or two. Tsk Tsk. This movie is what happens when “Ocean’s Eleven” has a drink with “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” .

Check out a brief synopsis of “Duplicity” per IMDB.com:

“A pair of corporate spies who share a steamy past hook up to pull off the ultimate con job on their respective bosses.”

(Yawn) Rich, beautiful and boring. At the end of this film, the hero will ultimately wind up donning a Buena Vista Social Club straw hat while wearing white pants as he walks down a white sand beach sipping a pina colada, at the bottom of the frame a glowing Julia Roberts will embrace him, in her darling bikini top and sarong. The music will cut in as the credits begin to roll following a tight shot of Roberts gaping million dollar grin. Okay Hollywood how about you pay me $10 million and I’ll have the sequel ready for you by August? I guesstimate “I Love You Man” to win this weekend’s box office with “Duplicity” trailing along in spot number three. Maybe I’ll eat my words but it doesn’t matter because in the end Mrs. Julia Roberts always wins.

From boys to men: Danger Bowie’s countdown for equality

Ray Nicholson and his dad Jack
Ray Nicholson and his dad Jack

I sat through the countdown until the Olsen twins turned 18 years old. Then it was Lindsay Lohan’s turn. I just visited the site featuring the countdown to Miley Cyrus big 1-8 and I’m done with it. Why is it okay for men to countdown the mere moments until underage girls reach the garden of 18 years of consensual age, and I get deemed inappropriate for inquiring about Mr. Nick Jonas’ big day?

I’m not gonna take it anymore. Equality for all, I’m shouting in this, the age of Obama, the beginning of reason and hope, Danger Bowie is gonna count down a couple of her very own magical birthdays.

Pictured above, Raymond Nicholson, Jack’s youngest son. He just turned 17 on February 20, 2009 but fear not ladies there’s only 341 days away between you, Ray and jail time.

And last but not least with a solid 549 days until this cutie pie hits adulthood…

Mr. Nick Jonas

Nick Jonas at Dodger stadium
Nick Jonas at Dodger stadium

Aww my darling Nicki, soon.

With that out of my system, I resolve to not go as far as to use disgusting objectifying adjectives to describe any lustful way a lady could feel about these boys because I am but a notch better than the men who started the aforementioned  lady countdown sites. I will from time to time keep all the females alerted of where the clock lies but until our day comes, we lie in the shadows, waiting patiently. Controversy is thick in the air, and I can’t get enough of it.

Hark, I say!

Equality for all!

Long live male and female adolescent to adulthood countdowns!!

Seth Rogen, Sex Machine

Seth Rogen pictured with Pinocchio
Seth Rogen and Pinocchio

Seth Rogen is gracing the cover of the April 2009 issue of Playboy with Jason Kidd’s girlfriend. Seth is only the 9th guy ever to be on the cover of one of the most prolific nudie magazines. While Kidd’s girlfriend shows off her curds and whey in the middle of the mag, Seth gives an amazingly candid 8 page interview that is a must read if you happen to be a fan. I love Seth Rogen, so much so that I was vaguely aroused upon purchasing this beauty of a magazine pictured below, 2 weeks ago.

Jonah Hill, Paul Rudd, Jason Segel, and Seth Rogen
Jonah Hill, Paul Rudd, Jason Segel, and Seth Rogen

This delicious pic-gasm is just one of the main  reasons to champion these dudes. They lived next door to you, they played video games at the mall arcade, they masturbated to anime in the 11th grade, this guy really wanted to take you to Prom but couldn’t work up the nerve. Now look at them, guaranteed success at the box office and in the pants of a Playmate but they could care less because in the end the nerds win. Hope has arrived for us all. Three cheers for sweet revenge.

Happy Birthday Taylor Hanson!

Jordan Taylor Hanson+2
Jordan Taylor Hanson+3

26 years ago on this glorious day God gave us Taylor Hanson. Born in Tulsa, Oklahoma, Taylor is the second child of Diana and Clarke Hanson. The future would prove that Mr. Taylor Hanson would never come second again.

In May of 1997 when Hanson  blew up the scene, a young alternative rock loving 14 year old Danger Bowie removed her Tuesday underwear and they were secretly Hanson’s for the keeping. To the chagrine of her mother/supplier, Danger became engulfed in Hanson mania. Isaac, the older brother, with a face he was still growing into, was my absolute favorite. My cat’s pajamas. Pictures of his giant horse head adorned my walls and my heart. Taylor was my best friend Haley’s favorite brother but I would have a secret menage a trois in my head on Saturday night’s with him and Isaac or Ike as I affectionately called him.

Hanson in bubbles
Hanson in bubbles

I have no idea where Haley is now and my secret musical tastes only have eyes for the Jonas Brothers, which makes me not only a pedophile but the biggest traitor this side of  “MMMBop”.  Yet I will never forget the pure raw desire that I felt as I listened to their breakout album “Middle Of Nowhere” . It ignited a disgusting underdeveloped stream of lust, a high that I chase to this day at 26 years old. So I want to say to you Taylor Hanson, one third of the truest group to my heart; You can stop looking for the love because it’s right here. Now please walk away before you get me pregnant because as it turns out you Hansons are some baby making motherfuckers.

This just in: Hathaway is great in “Rachel Getting Married”

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Racgel Getting Married
Rachel Getting Married

Anne Hathaway is a good actress. I never believed these words would come out of my mouth but after viewing her Oscar nominated performance in “Rachel Getting Married”, I was turned out. The movie is the story of Rachel, a young woman who has been in and out of rehab for the past 10 years, returning home for the weekend to attend her sister’s wedding.

A former American Idol contestant, “Ella Enchanted”, “Mr Noodle” from “Sesame Street”, the lady from “Terms of Endearment”,  and the lead singer of “TV on the Radio” all appear in this movie and it works really REALLY well.  My initial  shock after viewing the movie in it’s entirety is the amazing casting. Kudos to Tiffany Canfield and Bernard Telsey for choosing a multi-ethnic and believable group of actors as well as extras, all of whom are necessary to this flick.

Going through emotional hell with this dysfunctional family on the tension express was enthralling. So rare that addiction, love, family, and death can be dealt with so eloquently in a movie. The wedding is a perfect spectacle, like nothing you’ve seen in any movie or real life.  You want to be apart of it, the togetherness in beings so completely separate.

Live music is used to guide you through the happiness and peril these characters are faced with. I’ve read in several places that the infamous table scene is one to look  out for but I was still taken aback  by my severe reaction. Spotlighting over 10 different characters in one of the most  pivotal scenes to the film, the emotional roller coaster straps you in. Sadness, embarassment, happiness, love, loss, desperation, jealousy, angst and tenderness are all tapped in, during this extended glimpse from the wedding rehearsal dinner. I have never been more uncomfortable watching a movie as I was during a certain point in that scene. It was excruciating. Hard to believe it only took the screenwriter  Jenny Lumet, 7 weeks to write this amazing character study.

Now I refuse to spoil any bit of this movie because it deserves at least one full uninterrupted viewing by everyone in Danger’s opinion. Remember that life is left unresolved more often than not and there won’t be any disappointment. You will find a character to relate to, there will be at least one note of music that you love, and you’re eyes will glaze over for at least a second, even if you won’t admit it to anyone.

Bravo. Anne Hathaway. Bravo.

They all float down here. “It” to be remade for Sci Fi channel

pennywise I can barely type having to look at this horrific picture. The Sci Fi channel is working on a remake of the popular horror movie “It”. The original movie adapted from one of horror writer Stephen King’s finest works, was the scariest movie a young Danger Bowie had ever seen. The basic premise courtesy of IMDB.com is as follows; Seven youths set out to defeat a demonic creature, Pennywise which dresses up in a clown suit and terrorizes a 1960’s town in Maine.

Let me just say that just having this picture on my website is going to give me night terror for weeks to come. When I first saw this movie, I was a nine year old kid who proceeded to round up my siblings, pack my possessions into my Keroppi backpack and run far away so that Pennywise wouldn’t get us. I would shiver when walking on the curb for fear of the storm drains where “It” lurked. I broke out in sweat when I saw red balloons. And clowns, fucking forget about it. My parents laughed it off as cute but I was dead serious. I wanted out. It took months of parental brainwashing to convince me that this monster did not want to kill and eat me. Now at 26 years old, only 2 fictional characters give me the heebie jeebies: Freddy Krueger and Pennywise.

Jonathan Brandis
Jonathan Brandis

As far as a remake goes, dear Sci Fi channel please please please leave this classic alone. For a movie made 19 years ago, it holds the test of time.  While also boasting one  of the more dynamic casts a horror movie had to offer. Jonathan Brandis, my childhood favorite and co-star in “It” took his life several years ago. John Ritter, one of the funniest guys around and another co-star in “It” passed away a few years ago. That means the movie must be cursed so leave well enough alone. Stick to making movies with giant man eating pterodactylls and earth invading mega aliens. But this one, please let “It” rest in peace