When I first heard that Spike Jonze was adapting my favoritest child’s book into a movie, I messed myself but then I felt regret. Damn Catholicism.
This type of book to film translation thing has not always been the best executed idea in the business but I have hope that the director of the Beastie Boys, “Sabotage” video will do us proud. I am anxiously awaiting the trailer but until then I’ll sit in the blue glow of my computer screen softly caressing my Max plush toy. I am not a pervert.
26 years ago on this glorious day God gave us Taylor Hanson. Born in Tulsa, Oklahoma, Taylor is the second child of Diana and Clarke Hanson. The future would prove that Mr. Taylor Hanson would never come second again.
In May of 1997 when Hanson blew up the scene, a young alternative rock loving 14 year old Danger Bowie removed her Tuesday underwear and they were secretly Hanson’s for the keeping. To the chagrine of her mother/supplier, Danger became engulfed in Hanson mania. Isaac, the older brother, with a face he was still growing into, was my absolute favorite. My cat’s pajamas. Pictures of his giant horse head adorned my walls and my heart. Taylor was my best friend Haley’s favorite brother but I would have a secret menage a trois in my head on Saturday night’s with him and Isaac or Ike as I affectionately called him.
Hanson in bubbles
I have no idea where Haley is now and my secret musical tastes only have eyes for the Jonas Brothers, which makes me not only a pedophile but the biggest traitor this side of “MMMBop”. Yet I will never forget the pure raw desire that I felt as I listened to their breakout album “Middle Of Nowhere” . It ignited a disgusting underdeveloped stream of lust, a high that I chase to this day at 26 years old. So I want to say to you Taylor Hanson, one third of the truest group to my heart; You can stop looking for the love because it’s right here. Now please walk away before you get me pregnant because as it turns out you Hansons are some baby making motherfuckers.
I can barely type having to look at this horrific picture. The Sci Fi channel is working on a remake of the popular horror movie “It”. The original movie adapted from one of horror writer Stephen King’s finest works, was the scariest movie a young Danger Bowie had ever seen. The basic premise courtesy of IMDB.com is as follows; Seven youths set out to defeat a demonic creature, Pennywise which dresses up in a clown suit and terrorizes a 1960’s town in Maine.
Let me just say that just having this picture on my website is going to give me night terror for weeks to come. When I first saw this movie, I was a nine year old kid who proceeded to round up my siblings, pack my possessions into my Keroppi backpack and run far away so that Pennywise wouldn’t get us. I would shiver when walking on the curb for fear of the storm drains where “It” lurked. I broke out in sweat when I saw red balloons. And clowns, fucking forget about it. My parents laughed it off as cute but I was dead serious. I wanted out. It took months of parental brainwashing to convince me that this monster did not want to kill and eat me. Now at 26 years old, only 2 fictional characters give me the heebie jeebies: Freddy Krueger and Pennywise.
As far as a remake goes, dear Sci Fi channel please please please leave this classic alone. For a movie made 19 years ago, it holds the test of time. While also boasting one of the more dynamic casts a horror movie had to offer. Jonathan Brandis, my childhood favorite and co-star in “It” took his life several years ago. John Ritter, one of the funniest guys around and another co-star in “It” passed away a few years ago. That means the movie must be cursed so leave well enough alone. Stick to making movies with giant man eating pterodactylls and earth invading mega aliens. But this one, please let “It” rest in peace