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Robin Hood:Men in Tights is still amazing but where is Dave Chappelle?

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I dove into a bin at someone else’s neighborhood Wal Mart and for $3.99 I came out with my childhood classic, “Robin Hood: Men In Tights”. I can remember sitting in front of the television watching channel 13 and this movie would come on and I’d be silent except for giggles for the whole 2 hours. Channel 13 was my favorite channel as a kid because they played amazing movies every weekend. You could watch anything from “Hook” to “The Sandlot” and they sometimes played marathons of “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” (turtles in a half shell, turtle power!).

So last night after getting home just in time to watch the last 15 minutes of Paul Rudd on SNL, I decided to pop in Robin Hood: Men in Tights for old times sake. 14 years have passed since my last viewing of this comedic opus . Boy oh boy was I not disappointed.

Isaac Hayes, Patrick Stewart, and Dom DeLuise do a fantastic job in their respective  parts. DeLuise ripping on the Godfather, Isaac Hayes as Asneeze helps Robin break out of jail, whilst Patrick Stewart and his wonderful timing steps it up as King Richard.  The film has a few sight gags that are extremely dated and some that remained very relevant. It was peculiar to discover that while my 14 year old self was more attracted to Will Scarlet O’ Hara, my 26 year old self was loving all of Mr. Cary Elwes. Damn he was dashing and charming and all kinds of Zack Morris cute as Robin of Loxley.

 Blinkin and Achoo, the best blind and black sidekicks one could ever hope for, held up their end very nicely. I fell back in love with the ridiculous metal chastity belt on Maid Marian, her aggressive German handler Broomhilde, and the  Sheriff of Rottingham and his amazing comedic facial movements. I loved Tracey Ulman as Latrine, it’s her at her funniest. I giggled incessantly over the different quotes that I remembered and Richard Lewis’ ever mobile facial mole. I sang along to the Robin Hood men in tights dance number and I felt sad when it was over because they just don’t make spoof movies like that anymore. Mel Brooks filled that movie with obvious, long running , and background jokes, essentially it was a movie layered with jokes. 16 years have passed since it’s conception and I still laughed heartily at most of it.  In hindsight you can see where future movies stole a lot of their gimmicks. Sadly it seems like all the major players of this movie have not held very prominent positions in the Hollywood scene.

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It seems like the cast has been divided over the years.  A few of the players have passed away while the other half have been a lot quieter in the film scene. I can remember a time when Richard Lewis was THE comedian to be, it was like 95-96 but I feel like I saw that guy on every comedy show during that  period. Cary Elwes, whose slot has been taken by Patrick Wilson and Aaron Eckhart, is a great actor, yet his IMDB page reflects that he’s working in smaller roles but I’d like to see him in better movies.  Then there’s the matter of Dave Chappelle.

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Of everyone to come out of this movie, Dave Chappelle has made the biggest impact on my generation. From my job, to bars, at social gatherings, or even just hanging with close friends, a Chappelle show quote is only one topic away. It seems that even though his Comedy Central show was only on for 2 seasons and some scraps, he managed to touch the impenetrable hearts of the desensitized twentysomething. By challenging prejudice and harpooning social dilemnas like drug abuse, government inadequacies, and to a lesser degree reality television, he started a dialogue in my recessive, drained, and apathetic generation.

With his hilarious observations and cultural impact, I feel the loss of Dave  when something as major as the first black president or Michael Jackson’s death occurs, Chappelle is always floating in the back of my mind. One can only imagine what kind of sketches he would have made about the 2012, Octo-Mom, Jon and Kate, Britney’s meltdown, Obama, the recession, or the Jackson memorial. I can only hope that he has had his rest and is ready to come back on his own terms because the comedy scene is bleak and we could all use some social satire from the man that took the idea of a comedy sketch show and turned it on it’s ass, creating one of the funniest 30 minute comedy shows of all time. Roll a joint, order a pizza, call a friend or 2,  watch Robin Hood: Men In Tights and chase it with Seasons 1 and 2 of Chappelle’s Show, I couldn’t think of a better way to spend a night. Viva Youth!!

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“Hangover” the cure for your summer blues

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By now, almost every American has seen the Hangover at least once, so I’m not going to attempt a hard sell on this one. I had a chance to watch this movie back in February at a private screening where they served booze so i went in pretty stoked and pretty skeptical, I mean getting your target demographic plastered before you show your finished product is implying something . Aside from some minor glitches in editing earlyin the movie the test screening was a success. My guest Monicais and I really enjoyed it and vowed that upon release we would see it’s final cut.

So heading over to the Vista theater in Los Angeles we were superstoked to see it again because we discovered that Bradley Cooper is the ABSolute business. The movie is about 4 guys who happen upon some trouble when they head out to Vegas for their best friend’s bachelor party. Tigers, Tyson, Mike Epps, and a few Roofies later they find themselves suffering from amnesia, missing teeth, and a missing groom.

Watch this movie because it is a great offering from Todd Phillips, the director of Old School, it’s proof that a couple of guys in an extraordinary situation can still hold down an original comedic plot line without major stars. Thanks to the movie gods for their offering of Mr. Bradley Cooper or Coop as I intimately call him. He is a cinematic cupcake and my glucose is scarily low. Here’s a little Coop bustin’ out of his vest for your dining pleasure:

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For your Consideration: “Land of the Lost”

Land of the Lost Movie 2009

I know that by now pretty much everyone in America has written off Land of the Lost as the first real flop of the summer, monetarily you may be correct but in actuality you are wrong.  I’ve seen “Land of the Lost” twice theatrically and I’d call it the funniest movie of the summer thus far.

Albeit if you are not a fan of Will Ferrell this could be a tough pill to swallow, well don’t be a tight ass and  allow the sweet comedic executions of  Danny McBride to change your mind. I’ll stop trying to sell you on it in such a political way and speak on the plot for a second.

Dr. Rick Marshall, Ferrell, has become the ass of the quantum physics world because of his wild alternative universe beliefs. He is tracked down by a young ambitious scientist, Holly, who urges him to finish building a device that would allow him to time travel.

After a food coma they hit the road to find the best place from which to test their device and that’s how they come upon Will Stanton, played by the incomparable Danny McBride, a redneck who runs the road side attraction where the time travel device works best. At a certain point in the cave of the roadside attraction the device comes ot life and the trio are propelled into a parallel universe where they meet Chaka,Lonely Island’s Jorma Taccone, a primate king who becomes a part of their motley crew. Then it is on. Full steam ahead. Some amazing unexpected gags and tear inducing laughter follows. I won’t give anything away because I am on an Obama like crusade to redeem this movie and I need your help. Enough pandering, the moral of the story is that you will miss out if you skip this movie. Do you like to laugh? Well what the hell are you waiting for?

Please don’t watch “Year One” it will be a grave mistake, I was there on Sunday and this movie is the more superior of the 2. Danny McBride and Will Ferrell possess more chemistry in their pinky toes than Michael Cera and Jack Black have in their matted unoriginal wigs.

F^%$ Peter Travers and all the Anti-Ferrell/Sandler critics who need explanations for their comedy. Those guys have been entertaining me since I was a kid. I don’t need the constant reminer of the deteriorating world around me, sometimes I need a nicely executed dick joke or a redneck prat to remind me that life is as simple and  funny as it is ridiculous and petty. Watch this movie for the 5 moments when your eyes well with tears from watching them commit to  some oddball behavior in their ridiculous awespiring adventures. Here’s a pic of my McBride for the road:

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Year One. I can’t wait.

Michael Cera and Jack Black Image:sony pictures

Michael Cera and Jack Black Image: Sony Pictures

Nacho Libre and George Michael Bluth in a movie about cavemen wandering through biblical times? Okay, if I could just have that bag of magic mushrooms back from you,writer/director Harold Ramis, then we can move on to your next pitch. That’s my reimagining of the pitch meeting for this movie.

Opening June 19th “Year One” is the story of two hunter gatherers who are essentially exiled from their village and their journey through ancient times. Described by star Jack Black as , ” a biblical comedy about the Old Testament featuring stories from the Torah told through Agnostic, sort of eyes..”

The movie is going to be amazing. Directed and co-written by Ramis (Caddyshack), Lee Eisenberg and Gene Stupnitsky (“The Office”) . Produced by Judd Apatow. Featuring  appearances from David Cross, Paul Rudd, Oliver Platt, Vinnie Jones, Hank Azaria, and McLovin’. Yes yes and yes.

The ultra religious are going to have a field day cockblocking this movie.  I was a sceptic but after diligent research and watching the trailer 6 times in a row, I’ve decided that I am all in. Probably twice. Check out this teaser trailer and get converted.

Salma Hayek to join the cast of what?!

Salma Hayek

Salma Hayek

Adam Sandler’s untitled project slated for release in  2010 has just added Salma “Boobs Maloy” Hayek to it’s all star comedy  roster which includes; Chris Rock, David Spade, Kevin James, Rob Schneider, Maya Rudolph and ..hold on this can’t be right..Colin Quinn? I guess resurrecting the ghosts of Saturday Night Live circa 1995 could make for a funny movie.

The movie is about a group of childhood friends reuniting on the fourth of July. Salma will play Adam Sandler’s wife. Adam Sandler may be one of the most cunning men in Hollywood. The man who looked like this:

"Bobby Boucher"

"Bobby Boucher"

And don’t forget this jewel:

"Lil Nikki"

"Lil Nikki"

has managed to kiss the following leading ladies (in his movies, that is)\

Bridgette Wilson , Julie Bowen, Drew Barrymore , Winona Ryder, Kate Beckinsale, Fairuza Balk, Marisa Tomei, Tea Leoni, Joey  Lauren Adams, Patricia Arquette(hot in “Lost Highway), Emmanuell Chriqui (Entourage chick), Emily Watson,Paz Vega, Liv Tyler, and Leslie Mann.

Grossing almost $1 billion dollars at the box office, keeping the career of Rob Schneider alive for 15 years and slipping the tongues to ladies?

I’d like to see Jimmy Fallon attempt to do 1% of any of that.

But Colin Quinn? Seriously? Okay.

I believe in you Sandler.

Miss March: Prepare to lose respect for Danger Bowie

Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore. Image by Frank Masi

Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore. Image by Frank Masi

I am fully aware that I hold an enormous bias for this movie because I adore the comedy troupe the two main stars hail from. I was first introduced to “The Whitest Kids U’ Know” when it debuted on Fuse, an alternative basic cable channel that has since evolved into MTV2. Yuck. For their second season the show moved to the independent movie channel, which sucks for me because you have to pay extra for that channel and I am the working poor, so our relationship had to end. After a year long  break up with Trevor and Zach, much to my delight,  they penned a disgustingly crass, morally repugnant movie featuring Craig Robinson, my absolute favorite, entitled, “Miss March”.

Whitest Kids U' Know

Whitest Kids U' Know

This movie absolutely tanked this weekend and will probably air on Comedy Central by April Fool’s Day. Yet I’d still watch this movie four more times before even considering going in on “Watchmen” again. At least “Miss March” knows it’s a bad movie. Doctor Manhattan..ha.

So the movie’s about a kid who slips into a 4 year coma only to wake up and find out that his virginal high school girlfriend is the Playboy of the month centerfold. He then goes on a cross country trip to the Playboy Mansion with his completely irrational best friend since childhood to reunite with his long lost love.

Now buyer beware, if you want morality, substance, or logic then NEVER watch this movie. If you love dick, fart and sex jokes then this movie was made for you. It is filth that your girlfriend will abhor you for laughing at, an abomination to which  critics pray to their pagan gods so that your eyes may never bare witness, however if you’re having a shitty day at work or you’ve got that weight of the world on your shoulders feeling ,then this is the dipshit comedy wet dream you’ve long awaited.

Block out his ridiculous dialogue and love on the fact that Trevor Moore speaks almost exclusively through unneccessary facial movement and in that way he’s the poor man’s Jim Carrey. I’ll be burned at the stake for that statement, it’s kind of a  longshot comparison but  he’s at least 25% better than Jamie Kennedy on his best day.

Zach Cregger plays the virginal main character “Eugene” and he is fantastic in the role. Playing the straight man in this bizarro universe must have proven difficult especially when going up against Craig Robinson who uproariously plays the hardcore gangsta rapper “Horsedick.Mpeg”. I refuse to spoil even one of the movie’s jokes, just know that the last scene with Horsedick is fucking priceless and worth the cost of admission alone.

In conclusion, feel free to hate on this movie but there’s at least a laugh in it for everyone I know and that’s more than can be said for the last 15 spin offs of National Lampoons …well anything.