For your Consideration: “Land of the Lost”

Land of the Lost Movie 2009

I know that by now pretty much everyone in America has written off Land of the Lost as the first real flop of the summer, monetarily you may be correct but in actuality you are wrong.  I’ve seen “Land of the Lost” twice theatrically and I’d call it the funniest movie of the summer thus far.

Albeit if you are not a fan of Will Ferrell this could be a tough pill to swallow, well don’t be a tight ass and  allow the sweet comedic executions of  Danny McBride to change your mind. I’ll stop trying to sell you on it in such a political way and speak on the plot for a second.

Dr. Rick Marshall, Ferrell, has become the ass of the quantum physics world because of his wild alternative universe beliefs. He is tracked down by a young ambitious scientist, Holly, who urges him to finish building a device that would allow him to time travel.

After a food coma they hit the road to find the best place from which to test their device and that’s how they come upon Will Stanton, played by the incomparable Danny McBride, a redneck who runs the road side attraction where the time travel device works best. At a certain point in the cave of the roadside attraction the device comes ot life and the trio are propelled into a parallel universe where they meet Chaka,Lonely Island’s Jorma Taccone, a primate king who becomes a part of their motley crew. Then it is on. Full steam ahead. Some amazing unexpected gags and tear inducing laughter follows. I won’t give anything away because I am on an Obama like crusade to redeem this movie and I need your help. Enough pandering, the moral of the story is that you will miss out if you skip this movie. Do you like to laugh? Well what the hell are you waiting for?

Please don’t watch “Year One” it will be a grave mistake, I was there on Sunday and this movie is the more superior of the 2. Danny McBride and Will Ferrell possess more chemistry in their pinky toes than Michael Cera and Jack Black have in their matted unoriginal wigs.

F^%$ Peter Travers and all the Anti-Ferrell/Sandler critics who need explanations for their comedy. Those guys have been entertaining me since I was a kid. I don’t need the constant reminer of the deteriorating world around me, sometimes I need a nicely executed dick joke or a redneck prat to remind me that life is as simple and  funny as it is ridiculous and petty. Watch this movie for the 5 moments when your eyes well with tears from watching them commit to  some oddball behavior in their ridiculous awespiring adventures. Here’s a pic of my McBride for the road:


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Year One. I can’t wait.

Michael Cera and Jack Black Image:sony pictures

Michael Cera and Jack Black Image: Sony Pictures

Nacho Libre and George Michael Bluth in a movie about cavemen wandering through biblical times? Okay, if I could just have that bag of magic mushrooms back from you,writer/director Harold Ramis, then we can move on to your next pitch. That’s my reimagining of the pitch meeting for this movie.

Opening June 19th “Year One” is the story of two hunter gatherers who are essentially exiled from their village and their journey through ancient times. Described by star Jack Black as , ” a biblical comedy about the Old Testament featuring stories from the Torah told through Agnostic, sort of eyes..”

The movie is going to be amazing. Directed and co-written by Ramis (Caddyshack), Lee Eisenberg and Gene Stupnitsky (“The Office”) . Produced by Judd Apatow. Featuring  appearances from David Cross, Paul Rudd, Oliver Platt, Vinnie Jones, Hank Azaria, and McLovin’. Yes yes and yes.

The ultra religious are going to have a field day cockblocking this movie.  I was a sceptic but after diligent research and watching the trailer 6 times in a row, I’ve decided that I am all in. Probably twice. Check out this teaser trailer and get converted.

Salma Hayek to join the cast of what?!

Salma Hayek

Salma Hayek

Adam Sandler’s untitled project slated for release in  2010 has just added Salma “Boobs Maloy” Hayek to it’s all star comedy  roster which includes; Chris Rock, David Spade, Kevin James, Rob Schneider, Maya Rudolph and ..hold on this can’t be right..Colin Quinn? I guess resurrecting the ghosts of Saturday Night Live circa 1995 could make for a funny movie.

The movie is about a group of childhood friends reuniting on the fourth of July. Salma will play Adam Sandler’s wife. Adam Sandler may be one of the most cunning men in Hollywood. The man who looked like this:

"Bobby Boucher"

"Bobby Boucher"

And don’t forget this jewel:

"Lil Nikki"

"Lil Nikki"

has managed to kiss the following leading ladies (in his movies, that is)\

Bridgette Wilson , Julie Bowen, Drew Barrymore , Winona Ryder, Kate Beckinsale, Fairuza Balk, Marisa Tomei, Tea Leoni, Joey  Lauren Adams, Patricia Arquette(hot in “Lost Highway), Emmanuell Chriqui (Entourage chick), Emily Watson,Paz Vega, Liv Tyler, and Leslie Mann.

Grossing almost $1 billion dollars at the box office, keeping the career of Rob Schneider alive for 15 years and slipping the tongues to ladies?

I’d like to see Jimmy Fallon attempt to do 1% of any of that.

But Colin Quinn? Seriously? Okay.

I believe in you Sandler.

Miss March: Prepare to lose respect for Danger Bowie

Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore. Image by Frank Masi

Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore. Image by Frank Masi

I am fully aware that I hold an enormous bias for this movie because I adore the comedy troupe the two main stars hail from. I was first introduced to “The Whitest Kids U’ Know” when it debuted on Fuse, an alternative basic cable channel that has since evolved into MTV2. Yuck. For their second season the show moved to the independent movie channel, which sucks for me because you have to pay extra for that channel and I am the working poor, so our relationship had to end. After a year long  break up with Trevor and Zach, much to my delight,  they penned a disgustingly crass, morally repugnant movie featuring Craig Robinson, my absolute favorite, entitled, “Miss March”.

Whitest Kids U' Know

Whitest Kids U' Know

This movie absolutely tanked this weekend and will probably air on Comedy Central by April Fool’s Day. Yet I’d still watch this movie four more times before even considering going in on “Watchmen” again. At least “Miss March” knows it’s a bad movie. Doctor Manhattan..ha.

So the movie’s about a kid who slips into a 4 year coma only to wake up and find out that his virginal high school girlfriend is the Playboy of the month centerfold. He then goes on a cross country trip to the Playboy Mansion with his completely irrational best friend since childhood to reunite with his long lost love.

Now buyer beware, if you want morality, substance, or logic then NEVER watch this movie. If you love dick, fart and sex jokes then this movie was made for you. It is filth that your girlfriend will abhor you for laughing at, an abomination to which  critics pray to their pagan gods so that your eyes may never bare witness, however if you’re having a shitty day at work or you’ve got that weight of the world on your shoulders feeling ,then this is the dipshit comedy wet dream you’ve long awaited.

Block out his ridiculous dialogue and love on the fact that Trevor Moore speaks almost exclusively through unneccessary facial movement and in that way he’s the poor man’s Jim Carrey. I’ll be burned at the stake for that statement, it’s kind of a  longshot comparison but  he’s at least 25% better than Jamie Kennedy on his best day.

Zach Cregger plays the virginal main character “Eugene” and he is fantastic in the role. Playing the straight man in this bizarro universe must have proven difficult especially when going up against Craig Robinson who uproariously plays the hardcore gangsta rapper “Horsedick.Mpeg”. I refuse to spoil even one of the movie’s jokes, just know that the last scene with Horsedick is fucking priceless and worth the cost of admission alone.

In conclusion, feel free to hate on this movie but there’s at least a laugh in it for everyone I know and that’s more than can be said for the last 15 spin offs of National Lampoons …well anything.