Blog Archives

South Park returns with “Dead Celebrities”

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Matt and Trey are my heroes and after watching tonight’s mid-season premiere of “South Park” I’m ready to get a shirt made that says just that.The premiere episode entitled, “Dead Celebrities” focuses on Kyle’s little Canadian brother Ike, who is being haunted by the ghost of television infomercial demigod, Billy Mays.

But wait! There’s more!! This episode was entirely devoted to showcasing EVERY celebrity that died this summer, and because they create the episodes so quickly no one is exempt, David Carradine with a noose around his neck wearing fishnets, Natasha Richardson in ski gear, not even “Point Break’s” own freshly laid to rest Patrick Swayze or MTV’s DJ. AM. Alas, it was the ghost of Michael Jackson and his shrill cries of “you’re ignorant” and “tee hees” that made my eyes rain.

With a brilliant subplot tying together ‘mexican food to-go superking’s’ Chipotle and Billy Mays’  newest product “Chipotl-Away“, and a child’s beauty pageant ,they took no prisoners. I cried with laughter at the absurdity of  the lady from Poltergeist being thrown out of a hospital window and exploding on the ground after the ghost of Michael Jackson  calls her ignorant, possesses the EKG machine, and with a sonic boom, puts an end to her story line.

It is always an amazing treat tuning in week after week to see how far Matt and Trey are willing to take things. The pop culture commentary is hit on the nose in ways that Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert will never be able to replicate. It’s so perfectly gauche, witty,  tasteless and  perfectly executed. Enough of me polishing their knobs. Do yourself a favor and head over to southparkstudios.com and see what you’re missing.

Zombieland is #1, thank you America

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Just as I had given up all hope that Hollywood would ever produce another original movie in walks “Zombieland”. The buzz was small but impressive, and as I arrived at the theater my excitement became wiley. After the audience did a thorough job at laughing at the extended New Moon trailer, the movie started off with a cinematic bang and I barely had time to catch my breath.

A beautiful slow motion action sequence bled into the introduction of the narrator, played to perfection by Jesse Eisenberg. One can almost always expect to be slightly mocked by movie narration. Most writers can’t figure out how to use this plot device to explain their story to the audience without making them feel like they are dumbasses but that is where Zombieland differs. The writing is modern, witty, sharp and accessible. After spending some alone time we make our way over to meet Woody Harrelson’s character, “Tallahassee” and then the real fun begins.

A friendship is created amidst the post apocalyptic world these unlikely chums are forced to inhabit, where a deadly disease is turning everyone into the flesh eating undead. There are certain rules you must always follow in order to survive and sometimes you may be forced to break a few.ZOMBIELAND

Harrelson demonstrates the lunatic charm we all love to see from him. While Eisenberg usurps Michael Cera’s every nerd crown and succeeds in places where Cera has never been cuz remember that Eisenberg was on the scene first. The zombie journey continues and we are introduced to a pair of ass kicking sisters, played by Emma Stone (Superbad) and Abigail Breslin (Little Miss Sunshine)  hellbent on familial survival. The story takes a shift at this point but t’s not for the worse. Twists, turns and a brilliant cameo ensue and I left that theater with a giant smile on my undead face.

I can confidently say that Zombieland is now my favorite movie of 2009 so far. Beautifully shot, written and acted, I was so overwhelmingly entertained that it was jarring. I suggest that if you are heading out to the cinema that you give this movie your box office dollar. You will not regret it.

James Franco is going to make me watch General Hospital

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James Franco, star of Pineapple Express and the aboved pictured delicious Gucci ad campaign, is taking a brief foray into the world of daytime television with a small arc on General Hospital. After years of laughing at my mother for her addiction to soap operas, I shall now become the victim to my mom’s jeers on November 23rd, the date of Franco’s first scheduled appearance.

People are talking madness about Franco’s decision to take a step backwards in a career that has been steadily progressing since his turn as a boy hooker in 2002’s “Sonny”. Franco has never been a conventional actor, mostly choosing roles in extremely offbeat movies.Please watch, “An American Crime” a.s.a.p. and join me in the hole of sadness I fell into after viewing the aforementioned movie. Franco is amazing and I look forward to seeing him invade General Hospital and turn it on it’s ass. Enjoy a Franco pic for the road.franco wet

Zooey is a bachelorette no more

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Zooey Deschanel, star of 500 Days of Summer,  married Ben Gibbard, lead singer of Death Cab for Cutie, in a small ceremony this weekend. Hipster boys around the world hold hands in despair while the girls can’t wait to see what kind of dress she adorned on her most special day.

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I, on the other hand, am overjoyed by the news of her blessed union. Now I am free to have insane Joseph Gordon Levitt and Shia Labeouf fantasies without having to worry about the cute quirky and impeccably dressed Zooey stepping in on my men. My delusions shall live to see another day.

Joseph Gordon Levitt and Zooey as Sid and Nancy

Joseph Gordon Levitt and Zooey as Sid and Nancy

It’s Coming..

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Happy Tuesday morning to my vampire lusting America. Just a reminder November 20 2009  is less than 2 months away. That means only 56 days until the phenomenon that is New Moon, takes over the world. Ladies around the globe prepare to have your hearts melted at the hands of the ravenous vampiric love beast that is Edward Cullen. Swoon.

HBO scores again with Bored To Death

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Thank God for the fall tv season. Just as we were all preparing the noose from having to endure  a summer of “Wipeout”, “VH1’s Daisy of Love” and whatever vile MTV had going, premium television has interceded with yet another fantastic series. Enter HBO’s newest comedy half hour series , “Bored to Death”. Written for the screen by Jonathan Ames (author of several funny novels you should have read already), “Bored..” tells the semi-autobiographical story of a  writer named Jonathan Ames, who fresh off a break up, decides to use Craigslist.org as a comedic plot device to cure himself of writer’s block and a broken heart.

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With a maybe minor addiction to pot and white wine Ames manages to get himself into one hilarious ordeal after another. Schwartzman makes a magnificent transition from the big screen with the help of his supporting cast. Zach Galifianakis plays Ray, Jonathan’s comic book illustrating pal who’s comprised of endless quirks and quotables. In case you hadn’t noticed we are living in the year of Zach Galifianakis and this show is no exception. Ted Danson is another wonderful addition to the cast, playing Ames’magazine editor who has a penchant for pot and Viagra. Snark, witticisms, and a little of the morose allowed me to thoroughly enjoyed  29 and a half minutes of this show.  It’ s becoming increasingly clear that the execs of premium cable have their fingers on the pulse. They deal in edginess, something that none of these “reality tv” shows can replicate. A round of applause for Showtime and HBO for keeping it real.

Jason Segel and Chloe Sevigny

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The gossip machine is alive with talks of a possible new couple alert. One of Danger’s Dreamboats, Mr. Jason Segel, was reportedly spotted making out with Chloe Sevigny star of  “Kids” and “Big Love”. They were going steady at some Emmy party and when people noticed them they took off into the night together. I wonder if he reenacted a Dracula muppet sequence for her when they got home?  Too adorable for words.

In defense of Diablo

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I’m very confused by this weekend’s box office results. Diablo Cody, Oscar winning screenwriter, and Megan Fox, every hetero American male’s dreamgirl, released a horror/comedy movie featuring Fox and a lesbian kiss yet it only managed to take 5th place, taking in a little over $6 million in it’s opening weekend. What?!

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So why didn’t the movie perform to expectations? Megan Fox did a complete blitz marketing campaign, from a zillion magazine covers to starting feuds with Michael Bay and mental health. Dangerbowie.com saw a 200% increase in site views because of the last Megan Fox post. Even writer Diablo Cody was out there pimping it strong but to no avail. Perhaps the R rating killed the chances of a large portion of it’s would be audience. There was also talks on the interweb about how the horror comedy genre just doesn’t play well to Americans. What “they” are saying  is that we (Americans) will watch giant robots come to life and breakdance, we can get into teen angst vampires, but the concept of Evil Dead or Gremlins just don’t do it for us commercially? Bollocks.

I firmly stand behind this project because it is so rare that you get a movie written, directed and starring women in non traditional roles.It’s always the same  romantic comedy that paints a one sided picture of the ditz/chubby/awkward/dumb girl who eventually gets the guy. They took Jennifer’s Body and spun in it in an entirely different direction and kudos to them. I hope that this softer opening weekend doesn’t prevent these ladies from continuing to make movies that feature women in different societal roles. Long live Diablo!

James McAvoy and Seth Rogen in the same movie. My bizarre dreams are coming true.

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Sweet Jimmy Mac I knew you had it in you. Variety reported today that James McAvoy has signed on to star in comedic adaptation of the Will Reiser novel “I’m With Cancer.” Nicole Holofcener will direct, and the pic will co-star Seth Rogen, who is also producing.

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In the first major project McAvoy has agreed to star in since the Universal comicbook actioner “Wanted” and its upcoming sequel, he will play a 25-year-old who learns he has cancer and successfully battles the disease over several years.

After watching the BBC’s Shameless in which McAvoy costarred, I can honestly say that while he is a gorgeous stallion of a man with a 10,000 yard deathsex stare, he does have comedic chops. The pairing of these two shall be monumental and rank rather highly on the Danger Bowie spank it meter. Seth Rogen is unstoppable. I can’t wait to see who’ll he co star with next. Perhaps if the powers that be hear my eternal cries, we can expect Pineapple Express 2 with Brad Pitt joining the cast as Gary Cole’s long lost brother, who is fresh out of prison and wants to avenge his late brother death. Coming at you in 2013. One can always dream.

Greek is gonna get me through a summer of sub par programming

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This fine specimen with exquisite taste in fake facial hair is my summer heartthrob 2009, Mr. Scott Michael Foster from ABC Family channel’s “Greek”. Never in my life could I imagine that I’d be admitting to watching ABC Family but he before my 3 loyal readers I will say that ABC Family has produced a show that is entertaining, charming, and well scripted.

The only reason I even gave “Greek” a second of my time is because of the hilarious..the incomparable Clark Duke.

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After watching him and Michael Cera on the web series, “Clark and Michael“, I am willing to watch this guy do anything on the screen. I saw the first few commercials for “Greek” 2 years ago and it looked insanely cheesy and moral driven so I put my undying love for Clark Duke on hold.

In comes the summer of 2009, lo and behold, television is crap.  I turned to my ever loyal Hulu.com and decided I was finally going to give in and I was not disappointed. Greek is a dramedy following students at the fictional Cyprus Rhodes University that partake in the school’s fraternities and sororities. Though there are well over 10 regualr characters in the cast it’s the main character that seems the most familiar. Rusty Cartwright  is an anti social virgin math geek who is a mere freshman trying to get his footing in an uber social environment. After 4 minutes of the first episode it became scarily clear. This show is essentially Judd Apatow’s funny and  ill fated “Undeclared” if you dipped it in a light coating of sugar. I really miss Undeclared.

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Binge drinking, homosexuality, balancing relationships,  and growing up are just a few of the college riddled issues the good looking but accessible cast have to deal with in the first season. Major life issues arise and are conquered with charm and ease allowing a snarky desensitized viewer like myself to empathize for the misunderstood hot guy, pretty and vapid girl, the innocent geek, the preppy douche and the funny uber Christian prototype (played to perfection by Duke). While Greek won’t be changing my life or affecting my credit score, it is definitely entertaining to watch. Lead bad boy with a heart of gold Scott Michael Foster, from the short lived yet Danger Bowie approved series “Quarterlife” is quite the yummy devilish morsel. I salivate in darkness.

When you finish watching the latest skanky VH1 reality show, after the 45th repeat of CSI,  finish up your 91st season of the Bachelor, get  on line and catch up on a series with some promise. At the very least  keep one more scripted show on the air.  Thanks be to Greek for getting me through the dog days of 2009’s crap television.