HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Really? A movie about the Tooth Fairy? Oh crap but it’s stars Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson (kudos on stealing Vin Diesel’s career by actually having posessing talent AND muscles)so it looks like my maternal unit will be forcing me to watch this on her dime and I’ll wind up secretly enjoying it(Race to Witch Mountain) while vocally detesting everything it stands for to prove a cinematically snobby point. I can not believe “The Eyebrow” wrestler dude from WWF’s Smackdown has made a viable career out of making wildly successful Disney movies. Maybe Warner Brothers should usurp Triple H and the Hardy Boyz for a few bromantic comedies?
I went in on “Race to Witch Mountain” this Saturday and had I been 8 years old, I would’ve been mildly impressed. As a grown up, I found myself shocked at the Dwayne Johnson, the wrestler formerly known as “The Rock”, and the amount of charm that this giant man owns. A mediocre Disney release that will probably go on to make $150 million during it’s theatrical release, this movie put all it’s weight on the adorability of Mr. Johnson.
Playing Jack Bruno, an ex con turned taxi cab driver who is being chased by some thugs that want his repaid immediately. When one afternoon 2 aliens disguised as angelic blond tweens sneak into his taxi and offer him a wad of cash to take them to their spaceship, his job is to mangle his cab in a big chase scene while asking lots of questions that never get answered. Protect the children who are being chased by the C.I.A. at any cost. That is what Jack Bruno was born to do. The ex con with the heart of gold. Dwayne is not left with a whole lot to work with, maybe the convict aspect of the character supplies the grit, but he practically breaks the fourth wall in every scene to apologize for the movie’s writing.
The kids are played by Anna Sophia Robb, Violet from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and Alexander Ludwig from Sandlot 3. I can not believe they made a third Sandlot movie. Really? Anyways the kids are stoic “aliens” with Anna Sophia playing the loving one and Alexander plays her brother who trusts no human.Carla Gugino took a break from filming “Watchmen” to phone in her appearance as a kooky scientist who owns The Rock’s heart.
With mediocre “Power Ranger” like special effects and some non threatening? violence this is a decent movie to take your niece or nephew to if you’re stuck babysitting in the near future. You won’t be bored and there’s always Dwayne Johnson’s ever pulsating bicep to keep your loins company for an hour and a half.
Anyone over 10 years old can see how this will all play out immediately and to make all the parents in the audience more uncomfortable, they give a big wink at the end of the movie to let you know that this time next year you’ll be watching this movie’s sequel. Sorry. At least this will hold the kids over until the next Pixar/Dreamworks 3d extravaganza makes it’s $200 million budget into a theater near you.