Zombieland is #1, thank you America


Just as I had given up all hope that Hollywood would ever produce another original movie in walks “Zombieland”. The buzz was small but impressive, and as I arrived at the theater my excitement became wiley. After the audience did a thorough job at laughing at the extended New Moon trailer, the movie started off with a cinematic bang and I barely had time to catch my breath.

A beautiful slow motion action sequence bled into the introduction of the narrator, played to perfection by Jesse Eisenberg. One can almost always expect to be slightly mocked by movie narration. Most writers can’t figure out how to use this plot device to explain their story to the audience without making them feel like they are dumbasses but that is where Zombieland differs. The writing is modern, witty, sharp and accessible. After spending some alone time we make our way over to meet Woody Harrelson’s character, “Tallahassee” and then the real fun begins.

A friendship is created amidst the post apocalyptic world these unlikely chums are forced to inhabit, where a deadly disease is turning everyone into the flesh eating undead. There are certain rules you must always follow in order to survive and sometimes you may be forced to break a few.ZOMBIELAND

Harrelson demonstrates the lunatic charm we all love to see from him. While Eisenberg usurps Michael Cera’s every nerd crown and succeeds in places where Cera has never been cuz remember that Eisenberg was on the scene first. The zombie journey continues and we are introduced to a pair of ass kicking sisters, played by Emma Stone (Superbad) and Abigail Breslin (Little Miss Sunshine)  hellbent on familial survival. The story takes a shift at this point but t’s not for the worse. Twists, turns and a brilliant cameo ensue and I left that theater with a giant smile on my undead face.

I can confidently say that Zombieland is now my favorite movie of 2009 so far. Beautifully shot, written and acted, I was so overwhelmingly entertained that it was jarring. I suggest that if you are heading out to the cinema that you give this movie your box office dollar. You will not regret it.

They all float down here. “It” to be remade for Sci Fi channel

pennywise I can barely type having to look at this horrific picture. The Sci Fi channel is working on a remake of the popular horror movie “It”. The original movie adapted from one of horror writer Stephen King’s finest works, was the scariest movie a young Danger Bowie had ever seen. The basic premise courtesy of IMDB.com is as follows; Seven youths set out to defeat a demonic creature, Pennywise which dresses up in a clown suit and terrorizes a 1960’s town in Maine.

Let me just say that just having this picture on my website is going to give me night terror for weeks to come. When I first saw this movie, I was a nine year old kid who proceeded to round up my siblings, pack my possessions into my Keroppi backpack and run far away so that Pennywise wouldn’t get us. I would shiver when walking on the curb for fear of the storm drains where “It” lurked. I broke out in sweat when I saw red balloons. And clowns, fucking forget about it. My parents laughed it off as cute but I was dead serious. I wanted out. It took months of parental brainwashing to convince me that this monster did not want to kill and eat me. Now at 26 years old, only 2 fictional characters give me the heebie jeebies: Freddy Krueger and Pennywise.

Jonathan Brandis

Jonathan Brandis

As far as a remake goes, dear Sci Fi channel please please please leave this classic alone. For a movie made 19 years ago, it holds the test of time.  While also boasting one  of the more dynamic casts a horror movie had to offer. Jonathan Brandis, my childhood favorite and co-star in “It” took his life several years ago. John Ritter, one of the funniest guys around and another co-star in “It” passed away a few years ago. That means the movie must be cursed so leave well enough alone. Stick to making movies with giant man eating pterodactylls and earth invading mega aliens. But this one, please let “It” rest in peace