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Zooey is a bachelorette no more

zooey-deschanel

Zooey Deschanel, star of 500 Days of Summer,  married Ben Gibbard, lead singer of Death Cab for Cutie, in a small ceremony this weekend. Hipster boys around the world hold hands in despair while the girls can’t wait to see what kind of dress she adorned on her most special day.

Mann Village Theatre

I, on the other hand, am overjoyed by the news of her blessed union. Now I am free to have insane Joseph Gordon Levitt and Shia Labeouf fantasies without having to worry about the cute quirky and impeccably dressed Zooey stepping in on my men. My delusions shall live to see another day.

Joseph Gordon Levitt and Zooey as Sid and Nancy

Joseph Gordon Levitt and Zooey as Sid and Nancy

Jason Segel and Chloe Sevigny

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The gossip machine is alive with talks of a possible new couple alert. One of Danger’s Dreamboats, Mr. Jason Segel, was reportedly spotted making out with Chloe Sevigny star of  “Kids” and “Big Love”. They were going steady at some Emmy party and when people noticed them they took off into the night together. I wonder if he reenacted a Dracula muppet sequence for her when they got home?  Too adorable for words.

Seth Rogen, Sex Machine

Seth Rogen pictured with Pinocchio

Seth Rogen and Pinocchio

Seth Rogen is gracing the cover of the April 2009 issue of Playboy with Jason Kidd’s girlfriend. Seth is only the 9th guy ever to be on the cover of one of the most prolific nudie magazines. While Kidd’s girlfriend shows off her curds and whey in the middle of the mag, Seth gives an amazingly candid 8 page interview that is a must read if you happen to be a fan. I love Seth Rogen, so much so that I was vaguely aroused upon purchasing this beauty of a magazine pictured below, 2 weeks ago.

Jonah Hill, Paul Rudd, Jason Segel, and Seth Rogen

Jonah Hill, Paul Rudd, Jason Segel, and Seth Rogen

This delicious pic-gasm is just one of the main  reasons to champion these dudes. They lived next door to you, they played video games at the mall arcade, they masturbated to anime in the 11th grade, this guy really wanted to take you to Prom but couldn’t work up the nerve. Now look at them, guaranteed success at the box office and in the pants of a Playmate but they could care less because in the end the nerds win. Hope has arrived for us all. Three cheers for sweet revenge.