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Milk it ’til the last drop Hardwicke!

Twilight: the Director's Notebook

Twilight: the Director's Notebook

Catherine Hardwicke, famously stepped down from directing the Twilight saga in the beginning of November much to the devastation of young vamp-agers everywhere. No one knows the real reason behind the split but one can almost assume it was Kristen Stewart’s mouth acting. Just Kidding.

Catherine started off her career as a production designer in notable films such as “The Newton Boys” starring Skeet Ulrich, “Three Kings” and “Tankgirl” starring the honorable Lori Petty of “Pointbreak” fame. She then went on to direct “Thirteen” a disturbing look at surburban teenaged girls and the “Lords of Dogtown” an awesome memoiry look into the world of the guys who innovated skateboarding.

Rob Pattinson looking cold

Rob Pattinson looking cold

Now with the smash box office success of “Twilight” some genie granted Catherine one final teen mania wish and decided to publish the notes she took while directing this “masterpiece”. “Twilight: the Director’s Notebook is being released in bookstores, Hot Topics, and Claires everywhere. Enjoy everything from costume design to locations, but most importantly with 15 million shots of “It” boy Rob Pattinson this “book” is assured to please the Twi Hards and sell at least a few thousand units to other pre-adolescents. The Twilight merchandising train will chug on toward the March 21 DVD release of the movie to end all movies: “Twilight”. Also available in Blu-ray for 8 times the price.

I’ve included a hot shot of Robby Pattinson so more people will read my blog. Cheers.

Aww, he's just like us, he has pit stains..:)

Aww, he's just like us, he has pit stains..:)

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From boys to men: Danger Bowie’s countdown for equality

Ray Nicholson and his dad Jack

Ray Nicholson and his dad Jack

I sat through the countdown until the Olsen twins turned 18 years old. Then it was Lindsay Lohan’s turn. I just visited the site featuring the countdown to Miley Cyrus big 1-8 and I’m done with it. Why is it okay for men to countdown the mere moments until underage girls reach the garden of 18 years of consensual age, and I get deemed inappropriate for inquiring about Mr. Nick Jonas’ big day?

I’m not gonna take it anymore. Equality for all, I’m shouting in this, the age of Obama, the beginning of reason and hope, Danger Bowie is gonna count down a couple of her very own magical birthdays.

Pictured above, Raymond Nicholson, Jack’s youngest son. He just turned 17 on February 20, 2009 but fear not ladies there’s only 341 days away between you, Ray and jail time.

And last but not least with a solid 549 days until this cutie pie hits adulthood…

Mr. Nick Jonas

Nick Jonas at Dodger stadium

Nick Jonas at Dodger stadium

Aww my darling Nicki, soon.

With that out of my system, I resolve to not go as far as to use disgusting objectifying adjectives to describe any lustful way a lady could feel about these boys because I am but a notch better than the men who started the aforementioned  lady countdown sites. I will from time to time keep all the females alerted of where the clock lies but until our day comes, we lie in the shadows, waiting patiently. Controversy is thick in the air, and I can’t get enough of it.

Hark, I say!

Equality for all!

Long live male and female adolescent to adulthood countdowns!!

Happy Birthday Taylor Hanson!

Jordan Taylor Hanson+2

Jordan Taylor Hanson+3

26 years ago on this glorious day God gave us Taylor Hanson. Born in Tulsa, Oklahoma, Taylor is the second child of Diana and Clarke Hanson. The future would prove that Mr. Taylor Hanson would never come second again.

In May of 1997 when Hanson  blew up the scene, a young alternative rock loving 14 year old Danger Bowie removed her Tuesday underwear and they were secretly Hanson’s for the keeping. To the chagrine of her mother/supplier, Danger became engulfed in Hanson mania. Isaac, the older brother, with a face he was still growing into, was my absolute favorite. My cat’s pajamas. Pictures of his giant horse head adorned my walls and my heart. Taylor was my best friend Haley’s favorite brother but I would have a secret menage a trois in my head on Saturday night’s with him and Isaac or Ike as I affectionately called him.

Hanson in bubbles

Hanson in bubbles

I have no idea where Haley is now and my secret musical tastes only have eyes for the Jonas Brothers, which makes me not only a pedophile but the biggest traitor this side of  “MMMBop”.  Yet I will never forget the pure raw desire that I felt as I listened to their breakout album “Middle Of Nowhere” . It ignited a disgusting underdeveloped stream of lust, a high that I chase to this day at 26 years old. So I want to say to you Taylor Hanson, one third of the truest group to my heart; You can stop looking for the love because it’s right here. Now please walk away before you get me pregnant because as it turns out you Hansons are some baby making motherfuckers.