I love movies. I speak all the things cinematic with anyone who will dare listen. I visit IMDB.com the way most people visit Facebook, Twitter, or Myspace (if it was 5 years ago). However, I can’t stand the new and “improved” IMDB. I could be a stubborn a-hole who hates change (80% true) or maybe the new IMDB is not as good as the old one. Either way, I feel like this renovation is killing my ability to deftly maneuver through all of Gerard Butler’s acting credits and trivia. R.I.P. old IMDB. Long live, Mr. Butler. Yum.

Be back soon!

Hey guys it’s been awhile since my last post. Just wanted to let you know that Dangerbowie.com is gonna be getting a nice overhaul, I have some cool projects “in development” (spoken like a true douche) but check back on Monday for the new and improved Dangerbowie.com!!

Nice going Dragonball Evolution

masterI may lose a few loads of any credibility my opinion site has managed to get me in the last month, but I don’t care. Dragonball Evolution was a pretty decent manga live action movie. You may have seen the trailers and the posters, hell you probably laughed as heartily at them as I did. The special effects looked like they had  been copy pasted  from the mid 90’s cult classic “Mortal Combat” which was awesome. Beyond that, choosing Justin Chatwin, the guy who played Tom Cruise’s son in  “War of the Worlds”, to become”Goku”, the main protagonist from the manga, seemed like Hollywood’s bastard attempt to create an anime  live action anglo friendly box office titan. It may have well been, but Chatwin was pretty kick ass to say that he didn’t have a whole lot to work with.

11-14 year old boys would probably adore this flick. There are plenty of cute girls, great fighting scenes, and some nice fantasy elements to aid the retelling of one of the most popular mangas of all time. Having never read more than 2 pages of the manga, I found that the writer did a good job of explaining the story without alienating a non Dragonball fan.

Chatwin summons the box office gods
Chatwin summons the box office gods

“Dragon Ball: Evolution” is the story of a unpopular teenaged boy named Goku, who  is found by an old martial arts expert who raises him as his grandson. On Goku’s 18th birthday his grandfather gives him a dragonball. There are 7 Dragon Balls spread all over the Earth and whoever possesses all seven can summon a dragon who will grant any wish. Piccolo, an evil alien demon, comes to Earth in search of all the Dragon Balls so that he make a wish to destroy the planet. Lord Piccolo (James Marsters, Spike from Buffy) and his faithful sidekick (Eriko Tamura wearing a bad wig) have descended on Earth to appropriate all seven Dragon Balls,  so that they can destroy the planet.  Bulma (Emmy Rossum of Phantom of the Opera with a silly blue hair streak), a scientist who wants to use the Dragon Ball’s as an energy source (go green!) finds Goku at his house with her Dragon Ball Energy finder. Together they start a quest with Master Rochi (Chow Yun Fat), Goku’s Grandfather’s Trainer, to find the Dragon Balls before Lord Piccolo so they can save the Earth.

While true fans of manga will be shocked and appalled by the story’s modification and the anglo “Goku” who does not have a tail, viewers who are just looking for a good time at the matinee will not find any harm. The actors and actresses all seemed to be in good spirits, Yun Fat yucks it up as “Master Rochi” in his Hawaiian shirt, Bulma’s love interest Yamcha (Joon Parks, huge in Korea, unknown in America) is charming and fun as a hustlin surfer dude, and Chatwin’s Goku is pretty charming and likeable. Even Ghostbuster Ernie Hudson shows up in a brief role as a monk . Ernie Hudson is 63 years old, I can hardly believe that.

The special effects came to the aid of a slightly soft script, adding nicely to slowed down fight scenes, dynamic alien space ships, a fucking dragon, and amazing Buffy the Vampire Slayer makeup for Lord Piccolo, a demon who was imprisoned for 2,000 years and is a wee bit vengeful about it.

Spike from Buffy, is that you under there?
Spike from Buffy, is that you under there?

Overall this movie was a fun watch, coming in at 86 minutes it had amazing pacing, I also had a few laughs “with it” as opposed to “at it”. Weirdly enough I’m pretty interested in seeing the promised sequel. All in all, a better picture than “Race to Witch Mountain”, so if you’re stuck babysitting your little brother this weekend take him to see this one. It will probably rank number 10 at the box office this weekend, though it’s been very successful in Asia, but it still deserves a fair shot for being entertaining.

Observe and Report Premiere, disbelief ensues.

Observe and Report in theatres April 10th
Observe and Report in theatres April 10th

How the hell did I get so lucky? My second premiere in a month’s time and this one would be an affair to remember. I headed off to Hollywood today to get in the smelliest line of all time so that I could attend a screening of “Observe and Report starring my hero Seth Rogen. The premiere took place at the Grauman theater, a touristy place, filled with superheroes, well a man in a baggy Spiderman suit, and super villains, an authentic looking Heath Ledger Joker. Oh and 15 million hobos, a rather colorful transient bunch actually.

After an hour of standing in the relentless sun, we arrive at the front of the line, only to see Mr. Seth Rogen arriving from his limo, and I was but a mere 50-60 feet away. I practically shat myself with enthusiasm. We were then led inside the gigantic theater where we collected our free sodapop and popcorn then proceeded to make our way to our seats, which were 2 rows away from the humongazoid screen. After I apologized to my neck for the torturous craning that was about to occur, I turned around to see Mr. Rogen, who was seated only 15 rows behind me. I was getting closer.

The movie begins. The murmurs and rumors of this flick being a big change in direction for Rogen are extremely true. The part of Ronnie the tragic mall security guard with an impossible delusion and a sad outlook was far better suited for the hugely talented but much lesser known Danny McBride. The movie directed and written by Jody Hill, one third of the team who brought you “Eastbound and Down” and “Footfist Way” will not go over well with Rogen’s built in audience. Stand out performances from Michael Pena as Ronnie’s partner in crime, providing some comic relief in the first half of the flick, while Anna Faris does a great job as Ronnie’s object of desire. Ray Liotta the king of cop films does his best to keep up with Rogen’s violent superego but to no avail. Darkness, lots of darkness, but if you liked the “Footfist Way” consider this movie it’s brother film but darker. Loads of drug use, violence, blood, parental abnormalities, couple that with some vomit, sexual depravity and if your interests are still piqued, you should definitely check this out.  You’ll love it or hate it, there won’t be a happy middle. I’m apart of Team Morose because I really enjoyed this despite all naysayers. This is absolutely nothing like “Paul Blart”.

"Ronnie's got a gun"
"Ronnie's got a gun"

Alas this lovely comedic macabre piece comes to a close and we make our way towards the door, beginning to pass Seth Rogen who is hob knobbing with his peeps. I continue to move per the ushers orders but my friend pulls us back to try and get a better glimpse of Mr. Rogen. That’s when Danny McBride fell into my line of vision and my insides freaked the fuck out. I love Rogen but McBride has continuously won my heart from his portrayal of “Red” in Pineapple Express”, to “Footfist Way”, right on down to his “Kenny Powers” in “Eastbound and Down”.  Stupid fucking ushers  arrive ever so timely and we were pushed to the lobby.

Kenny "Fucking" Powers
Kenny "Fucking" Powers

We watched as Aziz Ansari, a bit player in the film, who stole a few scenes, passed us by with another dude from the “Human Giant”.  Seth with his girlfriend in tow, breezed right through the crowd and walked right in front of me. I froze. Rock solid. It was sad. They were in their limo by the time I regained consciousness. Heading toward the door my friend alerted me that Mr. McBride was heading out the door behind us. Like any good semi stalker, I held back and followed him. I whispered his name in hopes of getting his attention. Well actually I called his name and ran in the opposite direction because I’m chickenshit. My friend urged me to come back as Mr. McBride  had stopped to take pics and sign autographs with the fans. I patiently awaited my moment and as he walked away, slowly approaching him, I ask for a picture. I told him sweet nothings as we posed (on the reg), he shook my hand and laughed with me, I thanked him and he fell in with his group of peeps and vanished. I was left in a state of complete shock. Seems to be the theme of my evening.  McBride has stolen the reigns from Rogen, McBride is my new hero.

Not done yet. I walked away hyperventilating toward the elevator where our car was stored only to be met inside by Rogen’s parents and family. I only knew their identities because they were on the Jimmy Fallon show a few nights ago. Apologies for watching Fallon and for being a creep. We then chit chatted with his family about the parking situation, and had a good laugh with his dad. There were no words for my disbelief. We exited the elevator and got into our car resuming our normal lives for now. Thanks to my friend and neighbor for pushing me to greatness but mostly big thanks  Mr. McBride for making my year so far.

Fast and the Furious 4 brings in $72.5 million. Did we see the same movie?

Fast and the Furious 9
Fast and the Furious 9

I saw this movie on Friday afternoon at a half filled AMC theatre near the beach. I decided to have a family night at the movies featuring my mom, who’s a sucker for the action genre of cinema. Fast forward to the middle of the movie and my mom had fell fast asleep. That should offer you some insight into how “awesome” this movie is going to be.

I know, I know, I complain yet I’m a small part of why this movie holds the biggest opening of 2009. Well, fuck I review the movies in hopes that you’ll read the reviews and avoid wasting your hard earned bucks. My sacrifice to my 2 loyal readers.

The movie opens with a hijacking scene, that is pretty much wholly featured in the trailer. We are reintroduced to 2001’s hottest stars, Vin “One Note” Diesel, who does his best buff guy, scruffy voice as “Dominic” the misunderstood buff good hearted rebel. He lacks the timeliness and appeal of Dwayne Johnson and yet he has redeemed himself with this huge box office, I am chagrined. The movie is a story of revenge and reunions.

*SEMI SPOILER ALERT*

The untimely death of Letty (Michelle Rodriguez) forces Dominic to infiltrate the organization of reknowned drug runner Campos (John Ortiz). Now Dominic is still on the FBI most wanted list, so this means F.B.I. agent Brian O’Connor(Paul “Poor Man’s Keanu Reeves” Walker) has to infiltrate the organization to catch Dominic, who he let escape 2 movies ago. Don’t forget Mia (Jordana Brewster), Dominic’s perpetually tanned, hair banged sister, who had a lusty fling with O’Connor. Now you have the perfect recipe for a kick ass sequel right? No, actually you’re horribly wrong and so was this 90 minute movie that felt as long as Pirates of the Caribbean:At World’s End.

This movie will make a better video game or P. Diddy music video than live action feature. With a maximum of 4 chase scenes, 2 of which were riveting, there was far too much screen time for the main characters to fill with their bad acting from their soft generic scripts. Lots of homo eroticism, loads of references to nitrous, and plenty of throwback references to 2001’s “Fast and the Furious” which I only remember well enough to say that it was the best in the series. That’s kinda liked preferring to drown over being burned to death. Harsh decisions. The special effects were good but belonged in “Twisted Metal” as opposed to a blockbuster movie.

I resigned that I am not within this movie’s demographic.I will say that the ten minutes of trailers before the movie, including “Transformers”, “Land of the Lost”, and “Star Trek” were the best part of this theater experience. At least it gave me something to look forward to besides the ending of this movie which is sure to spawn a 5th installment. Thanks mom.

Monsters Vs. Aliens. Go B.O.B.

Monsters Vs. Aliens
Monsters Vs. Aliens

$16.00 was the price of my movie ticket for the 9:20pm showing of Monsters Vs. Aliens at the AMC in Century City. This is the most money I have ever spent on a single trip to the movies. Yet I am not disappointed, I am nostalgic. As I have only been to a 3 dimensional movie twice in my life, and both times I was under 10 years old. As an adult, I was filled with childish glee, an almost drug induced happiness, watching this weirdly grown up Dreamworks toon.

Now Monsters Vs. Aliens did not reinvent the wheel, however it was well paced, wonderfully animated and had a slew of jokes that crossed all age barriers. Now in order to see this movie in 3D you have to purchase a pair of 3D glasses for $4 (real cost $0.04)  which oddly enough are knock off Ray-Ban Wayfarers, endearing to children and hipsters. The previews were 3D and waht you forget as a grown up, is how giddy you get when technology starts fucking with dimensions. I imagine 2009 will go down as the year that 3D  theatrical releases force its way into your local theater because at this point, you can download any media desired on the internet, so studios will have to go out of their way to offer us a reason to pay the steep box office prices.

The movie starts by introducing us to Susan Murphy (Reese Witherspoon) on her wedding day. She finds out that her groom to be has cancelled her dream honeymoon to Paris in favor of a  honeymoon to Fresno and she is pretty bummed. As she tries to be optimistic about it when a giant meteorite crashes down to Earth and lands right on top of her. She toonishly shakes it off and runs to the alter to marry Derek Dietl (Paul Rudd) her douchebag newsanchor in training, groom to be. Before Susan can get to the vows, she starts glowing green and grows to become 49 ft 11inches.

The military led by the hardcore General Monger (Kiefer Sutherland) swoop in and commandeer the Susan the Giant, bringing her to some sort of testing facility where she meets up with her soon to be monster friends. Bicarbonate Ostylezene Benzoate or B.O.B. (Seth Rogen)  is basically a blob of goo that has one eye and no brain yet better comedic timing that most of the humans in the movie. The Missing Link (Will Arnett) is a monster from 20,000 years ago who appears to be half ape/fish with a giant ego and a big heart. Dr. Cockroach (Hugh Laurie) is a brilliant scientist who happens to be a cockroach. The last of the monsters being the gigantic cuddly Insectosaurus, the mute of all the monsters is the one you’ll care about the most. Mr President (Stephen Colbert) is the funniest human character, playing the toon President like the best of Clinton’s charm and the worst of Bush’s intellect, he also provides one of the biggest laughs of the movie. General meets with the President and they decide to send the monsters to fight a war against Galaxhar (Rainn Wilson) an evil alien who’s waging a war against Earth. The monsters fight the aliens, San Francisco is destroyed and Susan makes some big revelations.

The casting is amazing here, grouping together the best talents of our generation for an animated movie that’s a little gritty featuring some semi coarse language (boobies and pee) and a little sexual. But that’s how Dreamworks rolls and I love it, down with the G rated snoozefest “UP” Pixar family toon. Viva Dreamworks!

B.O.B (Bicarbonate Ostylezene Benzoate)
B.O.B (Bicarbonate Ostylezene Benzoate)

It’s all pretty predictable and the moral was visible from the first 5 minutes but it didn’t matter. I could count original storylines and plots from cartoon movies in the last 10 years on one hand. The way they used the 3D images is what I’ll remember the most about the movie, well second to the top notch casting. Instead of using the technology for oohs and awws, they concentrated on using the 3D for perspective, bringing to life the amazing background imagery and subtle nuissances in the animation. It was well thought out and perfectly executed, the use of this technique brought you fully into the movie because less than halfway through you forget it’s a 3D movie altogether and you just let yourself go with it. Simba’s dad doesn’t die, Bambi’s mom won’t be shot, and Dumbo will not be incarcerated in a cage, but like it or not  Monsters Vs. Aliens will still find a way into your heart,

Rob Pattinson’s “Memoirs”

Rob Pattinson is suspicious.
Rob Pattinson is suspicious.

It’s been soooo long since I’ve posted about R-Patty, but finally some real news. He just signed on to star in the new movie “Memoirs”, a romantic drama about 2 lovers trying to make it work in the face of family tragedies. Allen Coulter of “Hollywoodland” is set to direct and Jenny Lumet, “Rachel Getting Married” screenwriter, will rewrite the original screenplay. She is awesome.

Rob is R-Patty
Rob is R-Patty

The biggest surprise (not really) of all is that Summit Entertainment is going to lay down the cash to get this to a theater near you. Dollar, dollar, bill, Summit knows how to capitalize on the R-Patty fan’s Sanrio wallets. Kudos to them. No word yet on who Rob’s love interest will be, but rest assured whoever the lucky lady is , she will be harassed and judged by women around the world for years to come. Ask poor Kristen Stewart.