Nic Cage is my Zoloft. If I’m ever in a funk, I pop in “Face Off”, Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans”, or any of the other 1,200 flicks this invaluable man has starred in. Cage don’t hold back. Be it his unusual hair stylings, or his untamed mildly incoherent acting techniques, this man is here for all of our pleasure.

One day I was feeling blue so I put on my ol’ Netflix instant player and decided to  view the magnificent yet rare classic Cage supernatural thriller, “Vampire’s Kiss”. I have yet to see an acting performance that has made me double over with laughter for 90 minutes. Nobody works harder than him. 

 Thank you, Nic Cage. May you never stop being the best. 

KNOWING is #1. I’m so sorry. I think.

Knowing
Knowing

Knowing took the top position at the box office this weekend making $24.8 million this weekend. I went to see this movie on Saturday afternoon in a theater that was only half occupied. I did some meditations during the previews to give me strength to not be biased toward this movie because of Nicolas Cage’s acting disability. His joie de Keanu if you will.

Anyhoo, if you dismiss the overacting by Cage in pivotal scenes and the good acting from Rose Byrnes then remember to pick your jaw off the ground as you watch the ending, you might find that this movie was either 80% fantastic or 100% rubbish.

Nic Cage is a science professor/widower who has a cute and overly smart son. One day during a time capsule ceremony, each kid in class receives a sealed envelope from the capsule written by a student 50 years ago. Cage’s kid gets a paper filled with numbers that all correlate to 50 years of huge disasters and their coordinates for those of us who doubt it. Cage is trying to cope with his wife’s death by over parenting his son and drinking copious amounts of booze. He has a caring sister he likes to denounce and super religious parents, whom he no longer contacts. When the paper’s prophecies start ringing true, Cage loses his shit and then the movie starts getting a little weird.

I refuse to spoil this because I want people to watch it and help me process how to feel about this movie. It should be applauded for amazing special effects  and an ending that you would NEVER see coming at all. So I’ll say it deserves the number spot even though “I Love You Man” was my favorite to win. Then again Cage deserves this one, I think. No, yeah let the man and his hair have their day.

U.S Box Office Top 5

1. “Knowing” $24.8 million

2. “I Love You, Man” $18 million

3.”Duplicity” $14 million

4.”Race to Witch Mountain $13 million

5. “Watchmen” $6.7 million

What is that smell?

Knowing
Knowing

Oh I know! Yet another box office turd from Nicolas Cage.

Here’s some premise for ya:  A teacher(Cage) unearths a time capsule that holds a book that makes some predictions, some that have occurred and others that are in the process of happening, this leads him to believe that his family plays a role in the events that are about to go down, and then I imagine it’s time for  4-6 slow motion sequences of Nic and his mane saving the motherf’in world.

If you have a full tank of gas, a $10 bill and you’re masochistic, get in the car and head straight for your local theater to watch Nicolas “whatthehellhappenedtomeafter1997?” Cage in “Knowing”  being released like a rabid monkey into theaters today.

Nic Cage in "Thinking about my mane"
Nic Cage in "Thinking about my mane"

The reviews are pouring in and the word on the street is that this movie is poo. Join me in imagining a world where Alex Proyas, director of “The Crow”, “Dark City”, and now “Knowing” magically makes an amazing disaster movie starring Nicolas Cage, and it turns out to be a cinematic tour de force, reviving Nic’s career and restoring balance to this crazy world.

Dream on folks, I ain’t waking up Halle Berry tomorrow and Nic Cage ain’t going to wake up being Will Smith. He will continue his reign as the king of flop and I will have more fodder for my glorious site.

If you’re smart and bored this weekend, head down to your local superstore pick up a copy of “Face Off” watch it 3 times and maybe then you’ll begin to understand the reason that Nic Cage can still obtain any type of film role in today’s society.

If you want to know what movie to shell out your recession bucks for this weekend, then it’s  “I Love You, Man” all the way. You’ll laugh your ass off and if you take a date you’ll get laid after, it’s that good.

I predict it to take the weekend box office in a big way.