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Shia The Spy

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By now, I’ve come to recognize that due to bratty antics in and around Hollywood, my dearest Shia LaBeouf is an acquired taste—this will not stop me from crushing hard in his direction. What can I say? I like boys with chips on their shoulders. 

In the latest casting news from The Hollywood Reporter, LaBeouf will team up on a project with Robert De Niro and his former Disturbia and Eagle Eye director, DJ Caruso. Titled Spy’s Kid, the film would cast De Niro as a real-life CIA veteran convicted of spying. LaBeouf would play his son, a depressed Army discharge who ends up following in his father’s footsteps, serving as a courier of information between an Oregon federal prison and Russia.

My favorite chip-on-his-shoulder young man will pair up with my favorite grumpy-looking, older man. Swoon!

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Tom Hardy and Shia LaBeouf are allegedly teaming up to star as bootlegging brothers in “The Wettest County in the World”. Pardon me for a second.

*Squeal* Backflip. *Swoon.

The film is based on a novel from Matt Bondurant about a family of Prohibition-era bootleggers, and crimes committed by and against them.  

I find these gentle lads to be perfectly suited to play brothers.  They have a loose cannon, street vibe in common, that will make for exciting on-screen chemistry. Oh and they’re hot. Doesn’t hurt.

Zooey is a bachelorette no more

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Zooey Deschanel, star of 500 Days of Summer,  married Ben Gibbard, lead singer of Death Cab for Cutie, in a small ceremony this weekend. Hipster boys around the world hold hands in despair while the girls can’t wait to see what kind of dress she adorned on her most special day.

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I, on the other hand, am overjoyed by the news of her blessed union. Now I am free to have insane Joseph Gordon Levitt and Shia Labeouf fantasies without having to worry about the cute quirky and impeccably dressed Zooey stepping in on my men. My delusions shall live to see another day.

Joseph Gordon Levitt and Zooey as Sid and Nancy

Joseph Gordon Levitt and Zooey as Sid and Nancy

The Rise of JGL

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A wave of shock poured over me when I hit the newsstand at work and saw my beloved JGL (or Joseph Gordon Levitt as you normal folk may know him) on the cover of Nylon Guys. I paid a few pence and was on my way home to enjoy the 3 page article that would surely give me a little insight on my favorite actor.

Now I’m no Sally Come Lately. I’ve been purchasing this man’s eclectic lineup of indie movie goodness since “Manic “in 2001. It saddens me that he is coming so dangerously close to breaking through commercially because I want to enjoy his awesomeness with only a select group of diehard JGL lovers.

While there is nothing more irritating and snarky than using the word sellout, using a phrase like “break through commercially”  is pretty much the same thing. As a fan of “Mysterious Skin”, Sweet Jane” and “Latter Days”, I feel almost like I possess one of the silver screen’s biggest most talented secrets.

Then the Summer of 2009 arrived…

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and a little movie named “500 Days of Summer” rocked the indie world and my precious secret was revealed. Hark my shattered heart, this commercial indie is being touted as one of the best  movies of the year, a must see original take on the old romantic comedy.I was there on opening night in a sold out theater wrought with self aimed disgust. It was only 2 years ago that I sat in a similar theater watching “The Lookout” (one of the best thrillers to come out of 2007) on opening Friday with only 4 other people in the audience.

The people that referred to Levitt as the “10 things I hate about you guy..not Heath..the other guy..” and ” oh you mean that kid from 3rd Rock?” knew his name and jumped all over it. My bandwagon is now over run with newcomers. Then to make matters worse, 2 weeks later he stars as the most charismatic bad guy in the August blockbuster “G.I. Joe”. Now I’m fighting little kids in Target to get my hands on a Cobra Commander action figure. My cuppeth runneth over.

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Finally I had my very own rude awakening. How dare I insist on keeping Levitt to myself! How dare I even mildly suggest that this talented actor is ready to sign up to become  Shia Labeouf’s long lost older brother in Transformers 3!  I hate exclamation marks, a thousand pardons. Joseph Gordon Levitt can and will make any movie he wants and I hope he continues to do so. I don’t care if he’s staring at a jar of grape jelly for 2 hours, I’d never get bored watching him do it. He is always the best part of any movie I’ve seen him in and if he has to make “G.I. Joe” to make some money so he can get paid scale for his next 20 super indies then who am I to question any of it?

I know who I am. A person that’s gonna stick my one of my favorite actors until he gives me a reason to walk. Most importantly, I am a person who will never use the word sell out because I’m a 26 year old struggling artist, not a snot nose 14 year old talking about the commercialization of punk music. JGL is the one of the best actors of my generation and I plan on enjoying every moment of his rise. Vive La Levitt.

Thanks for everything Labeouf!

Photo: FayesVision/WENN.com

Photo: FayesVision/WENN.com

Dear Shia,
I just came across this picture of you from yesterday night’s Los Angeles premiere of your summer blockbuster Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen and I thought it would be a great time to pen this letter to you. First off, you are adorable and I am a mere 24 hours away from watching you run from computer generated robots and explosions while you romance Megan Fox. Although I could do without the romance part, I must say I am heavily excited to watch your latest work. Thank you for cleaning up so well, marry me..err..date me for like 6 months and then we’ll be close friends. I am a realist. You are the bees knees.

Stay gold,
Danger Bowie