Blog Archives

Pain and Gain and how I can’t get past Marky Mark’s past.

Michael Bay has done it again.

Michael Bay has done it again.

“Pain and Gain” is the newest addition to Michael Bay’s testosterone-filled, candy coated, vapid filmography. The film stars The Rock and Mark Wahlberg as poor, bodybuilders who decide to kidnap, attack, and rob a slew of people for personal gain. Based on a real story, “Pain and Gain” is experiencing major opposition from everyone involved in the real life chaos that occurred a few years ago.

Upon googling the story, I came upon a troubling news story about Wahlberg’s checkered past that I just can’t get past.

No Pain No Gain

No Pain No Gain

He led a life characterized by incidents of petty crime, drug dealing and racism.

He harassed a group of African American school kids with racist epithets, and when he was 16, again using racist language, he attacked a middle-aged Vietnamese man and left the man blind in one eye. Wahlberg was arrested for attempted murder, plead guilty to assault, and spent 45 days in jail.

And though the right thing to do would be to try to find the man and make amends, Wahlberg says, he admits he hasn’t done so — but says he’s no longer burdened by guilt.

“I did a lot of things that I regretted and I certainly paid for my mistakes,” Wahlberg says. “You have to go and ask for forgiveness and it wasn’t until I really started doing good and doing right, by other people as well as myself, that I really started to feel that guilt go away. So I don’t have a problem going to sleep at night. I feel good when I wake up in the morning.”

Marky Mark was throwing epithets at Black people! But he was a frickin’ white rapper! How does that even work? Yuck. I mean double yuck. I mean, on a scale of 1-10 how many Hail Mary’s do you have to say for blinding a man because of his skin color? 100? 1000? Jesus wept. While we’ve all done things in our youth that were unsavory——the violence and bigotry in his past just leaves me unsettled. Is Wahlberg still straight up loony tunes with a dash or two of that Dog the Bounty Hunter/Jesse James racist streak? The world may never know..

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Thanks for everything Labeouf!

Photo: FayesVision/WENN.com

Photo: FayesVision/WENN.com

Dear Shia,
I just came across this picture of you from yesterday night’s Los Angeles premiere of your summer blockbuster Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen and I thought it would be a great time to pen this letter to you. First off, you are adorable and I am a mere 24 hours away from watching you run from computer generated robots and explosions while you romance Megan Fox. Although I could do without the romance part, I must say I am heavily excited to watch your latest work. Thank you for cleaning up so well, marry me..err..date me for like 6 months and then we’ll be close friends. I am a realist. You are the bees knees.

Stay gold,
Danger Bowie

“Hangover” the cure for your summer blues

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By now, almost every American has seen the Hangover at least once, so I’m not going to attempt a hard sell on this one. I had a chance to watch this movie back in February at a private screening where they served booze so i went in pretty stoked and pretty skeptical, I mean getting your target demographic plastered before you show your finished product is implying something . Aside from some minor glitches in editing earlyin the movie the test screening was a success. My guest Monicais and I really enjoyed it and vowed that upon release we would see it’s final cut.

So heading over to the Vista theater in Los Angeles we were superstoked to see it again because we discovered that Bradley Cooper is the ABSolute business. The movie is about 4 guys who happen upon some trouble when they head out to Vegas for their best friend’s bachelor party. Tigers, Tyson, Mike Epps, and a few Roofies later they find themselves suffering from amnesia, missing teeth, and a missing groom.

Watch this movie because it is a great offering from Todd Phillips, the director of Old School, it’s proof that a couple of guys in an extraordinary situation can still hold down an original comedic plot line without major stars. Thanks to the movie gods for their offering of Mr. Bradley Cooper or Coop as I intimately call him. He is a cinematic cupcake and my glucose is scarily low. Here’s a little Coop bustin’ out of his vest for your dining pleasure:

beadleycooper34

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Year One. I can’t wait.

Michael Cera and Jack Black Image:sony pictures

Michael Cera and Jack Black Image: Sony Pictures

Nacho Libre and George Michael Bluth in a movie about cavemen wandering through biblical times? Okay, if I could just have that bag of magic mushrooms back from you,writer/director Harold Ramis, then we can move on to your next pitch. That’s my reimagining of the pitch meeting for this movie.

Opening June 19th “Year One” is the story of two hunter gatherers who are essentially exiled from their village and their journey through ancient times. Described by star Jack Black as , ” a biblical comedy about the Old Testament featuring stories from the Torah told through Agnostic, sort of eyes..”

The movie is going to be amazing. Directed and co-written by Ramis (Caddyshack), Lee Eisenberg and Gene Stupnitsky (“The Office”) . Produced by Judd Apatow. Featuring  appearances from David Cross, Paul Rudd, Oliver Platt, Vinnie Jones, Hank Azaria, and McLovin’. Yes yes and yes.

The ultra religious are going to have a field day cockblocking this movie.  I was a sceptic but after diligent research and watching the trailer 6 times in a row, I’ve decided that I am all in. Probably twice. Check out this teaser trailer and get converted.

Salma Hayek to join the cast of what?!

Salma Hayek

Salma Hayek

Adam Sandler’s untitled project slated for release in  2010 has just added Salma “Boobs Maloy” Hayek to it’s all star comedy  roster which includes; Chris Rock, David Spade, Kevin James, Rob Schneider, Maya Rudolph and ..hold on this can’t be right..Colin Quinn? I guess resurrecting the ghosts of Saturday Night Live circa 1995 could make for a funny movie.

The movie is about a group of childhood friends reuniting on the fourth of July. Salma will play Adam Sandler’s wife. Adam Sandler may be one of the most cunning men in Hollywood. The man who looked like this:

"Bobby Boucher"

"Bobby Boucher"

And don’t forget this jewel:

"Lil Nikki"

"Lil Nikki"

has managed to kiss the following leading ladies (in his movies, that is)\

Bridgette Wilson , Julie Bowen, Drew Barrymore , Winona Ryder, Kate Beckinsale, Fairuza Balk, Marisa Tomei, Tea Leoni, Joey  Lauren Adams, Patricia Arquette(hot in “Lost Highway), Emmanuell Chriqui (Entourage chick), Emily Watson,Paz Vega, Liv Tyler, and Leslie Mann.

Grossing almost $1 billion dollars at the box office, keeping the career of Rob Schneider alive for 15 years and slipping the tongues to ladies?

I’d like to see Jimmy Fallon attempt to do 1% of any of that.

But Colin Quinn? Seriously? Okay.

I believe in you Sandler.

Harry Potter, my how you’ve grown…

Mr. Harry Potter

Mr. Harry Potter

Hi, or ‘ello to all you Potterheads out there. Here’s a new still from Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince for your pleasure. In  keeping with my jailbait theme, I’d like to point out that Mr. Radcliffe is growing up quite nicely but I’ve always been a bigger fan of Rupert Grint.

Rupert Grint a.k.a "Ron"

Rupert Grint a.k.a "Ron"

Director David Yates says that, “This is the sex, drugs and rock’n’roll one.”Well, Yates promises, promises, promises.

What a tagline for the movie of the year. Sorry “New Moon”. The movie releases on July 17th, 2009. If you can’t wait til then, click on the Radcliffe picture above and enjoy the trailer for the next 4 months!

Push On Green Hornet! Controversy sells!

Seth Rogen and Anna Faris at South by Southwest

Seth Rogen and Anna Faris at South by Southwest

“”We have no 100% official Kato at this point.”said a svelte Seth Rogen at the SXSW film festival in Austin , Texas this weekend in regards to the “The Green Hornet” film he will star in eventually The geekosphere is going batshit crazy over this news but I can not turn my back on a movie to be helmed by the great Michel Gondry and starring Seth Rogen. Casting, schmasting it will be the most entertaining flick to arrive in the summer of 20- -?

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They should start collecting video for archival footage for the DVD extras,  because the “will they? won’t they?” media coverage is going to guarantee a big opening weekend and an even bigger cult following. A fool is the geek who dare question the power of controversy, where, like the world of masturbation, a little goes a long way.