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In defense of Diablo

megan-fox-7

I’m very confused by this weekend’s box office results. Diablo Cody, Oscar winning screenwriter, and Megan Fox, every hetero American male’s dreamgirl, released a horror/comedy movie featuring Fox and a lesbian kiss yet it only managed to take 5th place, taking in a little over $6 million in it’s opening weekend. What?!

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So why didn’t the movie perform to expectations? Megan Fox did a complete blitz marketing campaign, from a zillion magazine covers to starting feuds with Michael Bay and mental health. Dangerbowie.com saw a 200% increase in site views because of the last Megan Fox post. Even writer Diablo Cody was out there pimping it strong but to no avail. Perhaps the R rating killed the chances of a large portion of it’s would be audience. There was also talks on the interweb about how the horror comedy genre just doesn’t play well to Americans. What “they” are saying  is that we (Americans) will watch giant robots come to life and breakdance, we can get into teen angst vampires, but the concept of Evil Dead or Gremlins just don’t do it for us commercially? Bollocks.

I firmly stand behind this project because it is so rare that you get a movie written, directed and starring women in non traditional roles.It’s always the same  romantic comedy that paints a one sided picture of the ditz/chubby/awkward/dumb girl who eventually gets the guy. They took Jennifer’s Body and spun in it in an entirely different direction and kudos to them. I hope that this softer opening weekend doesn’t prevent these ladies from continuing to make movies that feature women in different societal roles. Long live Diablo!

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Milk it ’til the last drop Hardwicke!

Twilight: the Director's Notebook

Twilight: the Director's Notebook

Catherine Hardwicke, famously stepped down from directing the Twilight saga in the beginning of November much to the devastation of young vamp-agers everywhere. No one knows the real reason behind the split but one can almost assume it was Kristen Stewart’s mouth acting. Just Kidding.

Catherine started off her career as a production designer in notable films such as “The Newton Boys” starring Skeet Ulrich, “Three Kings” and “Tankgirl” starring the honorable Lori Petty of “Pointbreak” fame. She then went on to direct “Thirteen” a disturbing look at surburban teenaged girls and the “Lords of Dogtown” an awesome memoiry look into the world of the guys who innovated skateboarding.

Rob Pattinson looking cold

Rob Pattinson looking cold

Now with the smash box office success of “Twilight” some genie granted Catherine one final teen mania wish and decided to publish the notes she took while directing this “masterpiece”. “Twilight: the Director’s Notebook is being released in bookstores, Hot Topics, and Claires everywhere. Enjoy everything from costume design to locations, but most importantly with 15 million shots of “It” boy Rob Pattinson this “book” is assured to please the Twi Hards and sell at least a few thousand units to other pre-adolescents. The Twilight merchandising train will chug on toward the March 21 DVD release of the movie to end all movies: “Twilight”. Also available in Blu-ray for 8 times the price.

I’ve included a hot shot of Robby Pattinson so more people will read my blog. Cheers.

Aww, he's just like us, he has pit stains..:)

Aww, he's just like us, he has pit stains..:)

From boys to men: Danger Bowie’s countdown for equality

Ray Nicholson and his dad Jack

Ray Nicholson and his dad Jack

I sat through the countdown until the Olsen twins turned 18 years old. Then it was Lindsay Lohan’s turn. I just visited the site featuring the countdown to Miley Cyrus big 1-8 and I’m done with it. Why is it okay for men to countdown the mere moments until underage girls reach the garden of 18 years of consensual age, and I get deemed inappropriate for inquiring about Mr. Nick Jonas’ big day?

I’m not gonna take it anymore. Equality for all, I’m shouting in this, the age of Obama, the beginning of reason and hope, Danger Bowie is gonna count down a couple of her very own magical birthdays.

Pictured above, Raymond Nicholson, Jack’s youngest son. He just turned 17 on February 20, 2009 but fear not ladies there’s only 341 days away between you, Ray and jail time.

And last but not least with a solid 549 days until this cutie pie hits adulthood…

Mr. Nick Jonas

Nick Jonas at Dodger stadium

Nick Jonas at Dodger stadium

Aww my darling Nicki, soon.

With that out of my system, I resolve to not go as far as to use disgusting objectifying adjectives to describe any lustful way a lady could feel about these boys because I am but a notch better than the men who started the aforementioned  lady countdown sites. I will from time to time keep all the females alerted of where the clock lies but until our day comes, we lie in the shadows, waiting patiently. Controversy is thick in the air, and I can’t get enough of it.

Hark, I say!

Equality for all!

Long live male and female adolescent to adulthood countdowns!!