On the heels of a sensational performance in the dom-com Pillion, Alexander Skarsgård is about to bless us with another offbeat character/sensational performance, and October simply cannot come fast enough.

In the event that you’re not chronically online or tapped into the Skarsgård-o-sphere, this morning, the trailer for Black Bear Pictures’ upcoming Wicker was released, sending thousands of group chats ablaze.

Following in the hallowed footsteps of The Bride and Life-Size (iykyk), this rom-com fable stars the ever-charming Olivia Colman as an isolated, fish-cleaning bachelorette who lives on the outskirts of a conservative village, where the locals constantly insult her singlehood and hygiene. Desperate for a man-panion, she seeks out Peter Dinklage, who plays a local master weaver with magic hands, and pays him to weave her up a husband in a month’s time. In a Cinderella bibiddi-bobbidy-boo moment, he steps into his fairy godfather bag and whips up a strapping 6’4 humanoid basket with a large capacity for pleasure. 

Initially, the villagers are appalled and scared, but once they see how that tall drink of interwoven materials is loving up on our girl, the salty locals get real envious.

The trailer ends with Mr. Wicker explaining to some bar patrons how he’ll be spending his afternoon fixing the bed because it broke again. This movie knows the hell out of its audience.

Further stoking my excitement, the film was written and directed by Eleanor Wilson and Alex Huston Fischer, the married duo behind 2020’s Save Yourselves!, which follows a chronically online Brooklyn couple who head to a friend’s cabin for a tech-free vacation, only to discover that poofball-shaped aliens addicted to ethanol are invading the world. They know how to embrace the quirk, so I think we’re in for a treat and likely a barrage of new gifs and memes. 

For more proof, when Wilson introduced the film at Sundance, she said, “Thanks for taking this movie seriously, even when the pressing issue was sometimes: ‘Wicker nipples or no wicker nipples?’” And Huston Fischer followed with: “Rest assured, we went with wicker nipples.”

On the subject of nips, Skarsgård told EW: “Most male actors dream of playing Hamlet at some point in their career. I never did. My dream was always to have nipples made out of wicker. Thanks to our wonderful directors, Eleanor and Alex, and the brilliant artists at Wētā in New Zealand, my dream has finally come true.”

Mind you, I never even considered if he would have nips, so I’ve been outfreaked again!

Now for some trivia from my brief research sesh:

1. Beloved Skins alum Dev Patel — who I fancast in damn near everything — was originally set to play the Wicker heartthrob but dropped out, and the Northman took his place. I haven’t seen Patel in enough romantic roles, so I’m sad the casting didn’t work out, but the fact that he was down for this in the first place is a great sign. We need you in a freaky role, Patel! 
2. The film is based on The Wicker Husband, a short story by Ursula Wills-Jones, wherein the fish cleaner is described as an ugly, unibrowed girl, one leg shorter than the other. She has no family or friends, lives alone and guts fish for a living, leaving her smelly and covered in scales. She commissions the wicker husband, and a month later, he becomes sentient and goes around town to the tailor and the cobbler demanding shoes and a suit to wear for his wedding. And homie is a certified lover boy, a true yearner.
3. Wētā FX, one of the biggest VFX studios in the world, created the Wicker suit, which is supposed to be woven from willow. Wilson and Fischer were adamant about not going full CG, so the studio wound up creating 3D-printed prosthetics for Skarsgård to wear. Since his face was covered in that material, he had to exaggerate certain gestures so they could be captured on camera. 
4. Skarsgård was uncomfortable playing a straight-up good guy. “I tend to be drawn toward more conflicted characters with more internal turmoil and darkness,” he said at a Q&A after the film’s premiere. “And to play this good-hearted, good-natured, sweet, morally righteous character was scary to me. I’m not really comfortable doing that. I don’t have anything to tap into when it comes to that. So it was a stretch as an actor.”

That’s all I have for now. Wicker opens in the US on October 30, so I’ll likely have some post-viewing thoughts to share after. Before you click out, I’d like to take a moment to applaud the copywriter(s) who came up with the film’s duo of taglines: 

A hard man is good to find

&

Marriage material