Aaliyah— Still too soon.

Posted on November 17, 2014 by Danger Bowie

Everyone is going nuts about this Aaliyah biopic that Lifetime butchered. I sat down and watched the whole thing so I could come to my own conclusions. Poorly cast? The worst since The Michael Jackson Biopic starring Flex. Poorly written? Well, it was cheesier than Velveeta. I could go on and on. I mean they cast a 90lb actress to play Missy Elliott, who is famously curvy. It is as Hollywood-ized as anything I’ve seen this year that is not self-mocking.

I watched the whole thing and wished it were a better representation of the the r& b princess that I and all of my girlfriends so desperately wanted to be like. They butchered her essence and condensed her life down into a few shoddy misplaced events. That is why everyone is so mad. We all loved her and rooted for her and we all were taken aback when she died tragically at 22. She set the tone for an entire generation of pop r&b stars. The audacious street styling of Rihanna is owed to Aaliyah blazing the trails with her midriffs and baggy pants. Ciara’s entire career could be considered an ode to Aaliyah, vocally and physically. Teyana Taylor, Nicki Minaj in her early career, “Soldier” from the last Destiny’s Child solo album. People pay homage to Ms. Houghton to this day.

Aaliyah meant a lot, symbolically, to a lot of people who are still young enough to hate Lifetime for dishonoring her legacy with a rushed, careless, and bland scripting of her short life.

From a teenager’s perspective in the ’99 and 2000, Aaliyah was cool, pretty, and marched to her own beat. We all tried to mimic her “Are You That Somebody?” dance moves with friends. I, myself, am guilty of ruining my mom’s eardrums trying to hit her falsetto notes.

I mean, Aaliyah meant so much to me as a kid that I paid to see the tragic, “Queen of the Damned” movie twice and bought it on DVD. She made me want to have a bad accent and even worse vampire teeth. She was a trailblazer and she did it without showing everyone the insides of her cooch, the areola of her boobs, or the crack of her ass. She proved that sexiness is from within and not based on how much skin you show. That’s a crucial lesson from my bootleg thinkpiece.

Christian Bale Will Not Play Steve Jobs But Maybe These 5 Actors Deserve a Shot at the Role

Posted on November 4, 2014 by Danger Bowie

Christian Bale, equal parts attractive and terrifying, has decided not to play the iconic face of Apple, Steve Jobs, in yet another movie about the unique mogul’s life. While I was very interested in what kind of method actor ridiculousness Bale was going to pull out of his bag of tricks to portray the now deceased Apple CEO, there are a few actors that I think should be in the running to replace him.

If Wes Anderson decided to direct this project then Jason Schwartzman would be the perfect Steve Jobs. Mannerisms and acting aside, he looks exactly like Jobs did in his late 20s/early 30s. I think Anderson would make this one of the most highly-anticipated biopics of 2015.

Corey Stoll’s career is on fire right now. His masculine bravado and chameleon acting abilities would make for an interesting take on Jobs. And I didn’t just pick him for his bald head likeness. Have you seen the man on House of Cards/The Strain/Midnight in Paris? He’s frickin’ electric.

Now, Ethan Hawke may seem like a controversial pick to play the late Jobs but if you look at his long line of roles, you’ll see he has played a lot of different characters, ranging from jerks to romantics and has very rarely misstepped. His calm, intensity could serve the role in ways we hadn’t imagined.

A relative newcomer to the American cinemascape, Tom Hiddleston is well-known for his portrayal of Loki, the rambunctious evil brother of the beefcake Thor. But Hiddleston possesses much more than the role of Loki showcase. His turn as a vampire lover to Tilda Swinton in Only Lover’s Left Alive” suggests that Hiddleston is harboring a deep darkness that needs further exploration. Perhaps, playing Jobs would allow us to see the various talent that Hiddleston has waiting under the surface.

Michael Fassbender. What can I say? I have been wooed by Fassy since I first saw him in The Hunger and every movie he has been in since. His ability to take a role like Brandon from Shame or The Counselor and show us a hidden darkness, strength, and desperation without knocking us over the head with a hammy performance makes him one of my favorite actors to watch. He is a slow burn, unpredictable, charming, and just slightly menacing. I would like to petition for him and Steve R. McQueen to take this biopic and make it legendary.

Who do you think could play Steve Jobs?

Happy Birthday Rust Cohle! (Matthew McConaughey)

Posted on November 4, 2014 by Danger Bowie

“Life’s barely long enough to get good at one thing. So be careful what you get good at.” -Detective Rust Cohle.

Matthew McConaughey is good at acting. The man knows how to deliver a line and a great Oscar speech. He also plays a mean bongo drum. Let us celebrate the birth of the man who gave us 12 months of tremendous performances in gems like Interstellar, True Detective, Dallas Buyers Club and the most parodied Lincoln car commercial in the history of car commercials. May the McConaugh-ssance continue for years to come.

Happy 45th birthday, Mr. McConaughey!

Whiplash

Posted on November 3, 2014 by Danger Bowie

I look forward to September and October because of the impending indie movie season. And every year, I am always pleased with what indie filmmakers are putting on the table. This year has been no different. Whiplash is the most intense movie I’ve seen this year (even more tense than The Rover, The Drop and Fury). JK Simmons has officially crossed over into the “You were a little too good in that role and now I can’t trust you in real life club.” This club includes Laurence Fishburne for his depiction of Ike Turner, Robert DeNiro in Cape Fear, Christian Bale in, well everything, Edward Norton in Primal Fear/American History X, Juliette Lewis in Natural Born Killers and The Other Sister, Keith David in Requiem for a Dream, Tim Curry as Pennywise the Clown, Rosamund Pike in Gone Girl, and lastly, Giovanni Ribisi. I love him in most everything but he’s just a notch too slick. It’s kind of inexplicable.

I digress, Whiplash not only has the best and most surpassing trailer of the year, it emotionally lives up to its name. It tells the story of Andrew Neyman (Miles Teller), a talented young jazz drummer, who attends a prestigious music conservatory. Andrew is obsessed with making it into the top jazz ensemble in the school, led by Terrence Fletcher (shudder, as played by JK Simmons) Fletcher is notorious for pushing his students to the max for great performances. Nonetheless, Andrew wants in, even though it may cost him more than he could ever imagine.

Now this setup may seem light and mundane, but trust me, it is not. Teller, who usually plays either cuddly, teen protagonists (Spectacular Now) or the mildly dickish antagonist (Divergent) has really stepped up his game as Andrew. Watching him punch a hole through a snare drum and play so hard that his hands become bloody mush as tears trail down his defeated face has made me a believer in what this kid is selling the world. But it is without a doubt, Simmons, who showed up to steal the movie and the Best Supporting Actor Oscar 2015. The nuanced, subtle, over the top, disappointed father/abuser-type performance that he portrayed was nothing short of breathtaking. And just as the movie seemed to be heading toward a predictable ending, director/screenwriter Damien Chazelle, lifted the curtain for one of the most finely shot musical denouements I have ever witnessed.The acting, musical cues, cinematography, instrumentation, and visual execution make this a must-see movie for any lover of film. Bravo, Simmons. Encore, Chazelle.

Nightcrawler

Posted on November 3, 2014 by Danger Bowie

I watched Nightcrawler at 11am on Halloween morning and I sit here, three days later on Monday night, still thinking about Jake Gyllenhaal’s vicious characterization of antagonist/protagonist, Louis Bloom. Aside from Jake delivering, what I think, is the performance of his career, the movie is a beautifully shot, sick love-letter to the greater city of Los Angeles. As a native, I was thrilled to see some well-known spots (Dinah’s!) and freeways (105!) showcased under the brilliant cinematography of Jake Gyllenhaal’s real life godfather, Robert Elswit (who is also the DP of the upcoming and highly anticipated, Inherent Vice). As a jaded Los Angeles native, I have never seen my city presented in such a bizarre and sexy manner.

Nightcrawler tells the story of Lou Bloom, a late twenties, sweet-talking yet mildly threatening, gaunt, poster-child for entrepreneurship in the digital age. Lou is well-read and forever waiting for the opportunity to make the proper pitch or sell a compliment. We watch with baited breath as Lou plots, devises, steals, and manipulates his way to get any and everything he wants as Gyllenhaal delivers some of the most memorable lines of evil dialogue with the scariest twinkle in his bulging eyes. I don’t think it’s always called for to pull a Christian Bale but the 30lb weight loss that Gyllenhaal pulls off completely serves the character and the performance.

You wait tensely in the audience for the invisible leash, that holds Bloom back from destroying everyone, to snap. In the midst of all the chaos, there is a sick dark humor that lends itself to nearly every scene, including one of the most soul piercing scenes, namely the ones with Rene Russo, in a comeback role as the desperate News Director in a fledgling time slot. Hey Hollywood- Russo still has it and needs more roles. Enough with the age obsession, I want to see some more seasoned actresses holding their own.

After spending so many years sitting on the proverbial fence about Gyllenhaal’s career path, I am so happy that I decided to give Nightcrawler a shot. It is a return to glory from the fantastic actor who gave us such memorable characters as Donnie Darko, Jack Twist (Brokeback Mountain), Detective Loki (Prisoners), and Anthony Swofford (Jarhead). I only hope that when award season rears its head, Gyllenhaal makes off with a top prize so that more movies like Nightcrawler can be made.

Mad Max Fury Road: Panty Dropper

Posted on July 28, 2014 by Danger Bowie

It was a typical Sunday morning filled with Coco Puff wishes and dreams of the future. But this would prove to be anything but a typical Sunday because yesterday my world would be blessed with the trailer for Mad Max Fury Road.

In case I haven’t made it abundantly clear, my dear readers: I have an enormous para-social crush on Hollywood’s Tom Hardy. Now this isn’t some bandwagon, flavor of the day “I’ve loved him since he was Bane” type thing. I’ve been rolling hard for Tom since 2009. 5 solid years of Fan-demonium. I stan for him like others stan for Beyoncé.

All proclamations of undying love aside, I have been waiting to see this trailer since I heard my dearest Tommy had landed the role that would finally display his acting chops for the masses (sans facial mask and wacky voice).

This trailer did not disappoint. If this is what the near future looks like then I better start doing push-ups, invest in some charcoal colored makeup, and a nice Wilson’s leather coat.

2015 can not get here soon enough.

Fault in Our Stars

Posted on June 4, 2014 by Danger Bowie

Stock in Kleenex to Rise 400% after viewing this movie. — Stock in Kleenex to rise 400% after viewing this movie.

Here’s the deal: I fought reading this book for the last 2 years. Every Lit Nerd I knew professed their undying love for the book and raved about how this text would bring light to the darkness that rested within our tortured earthly souls. The fans were that dramatic. But I was steadfast in my evasiveness. I ran like Usain Bolt from this book every chance I got, refusing to join the herd. Then last week, I couldn’t take it anymore. I saw the book propped up all high and mighty on the shelf at the front of the bookstore, heckling me. “I’ve been a bestseller for like 25 years. I demand to be read!” it taunted.

I offered a ubiquitous sigh to no one in particular and just like that, I gave in. I brought the book home and thought I’d page through a chapter or two and resign myself to the Chuck Palahniuk tomes that own my heart. But something strange happened; I liked the first chapter too much. John Green, the author, created protagonists that were very Dawson’s Creekish in intellect, in that they were way more intelligent than any real 16-year-old teen (or even 35-year-olds for that matter). Yet unlike Dawson and his crew, the characters remained very earnest and relatable. How could this be?!

Damn you, John Green. You’re the best. I wish I had you a decade ago when I was coming of age. This generation is too lucky. Your writing was delightful and unassuming and heartbreaking. Reading your words and references coming from Augustus Water’s mouth made me feel smarter and patient. The way Hazel Grace dealt with her parents. How her dad cried… Peter Van Houten, the brazen alcoholic. I had been had.

Three hours later, I finished the book and wept a small river into my pillow. I thought I had it all figured out from the cliched preview of the movie but like so many times in this life, I was wrong. How could you/thank you for doing it.

I look forward to inhaling The Abundance of Katherines and Looking for Alaska as soon as humanly possible. I’ve already purchased my ticket to the Thursday night showing. All that’s left is to hit up my local CVS and buy $30 worth of Kleenex because tomorrow night’s forecast calls for a coming-of-age flick with a 100% chance of me crying like a baby in the back of an AMC theater.

Danny McBride Develops Show for Lindsay Lohan

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TMZ reports:

“Lindsay Lohan was such a pro on the set of “Eastbound & Down” … its star Danny McBride wants to take her talents with him … to a show he’s developing for HBO.

Sources close to LL tell TMZ … while guest starring on “E&D” Danny — a.k.a. Kenny Powers — and LiLo really hit it off. Danny was so impressed with her work he had several serious talks with her on set about a new show. He wants her to star in it.

We’re told the show is being developed by McBride and his producing partner Jody Hill. It will be in the same comedic vein as “Eastbound” … but revolve around a high school.

Our sources say Lindsay loves the idea and is hoping it works out.”

Despite my thinly veiled contempt for TMZ, I believe the story and I hope it’s true. Everyone, including Oprah, are going out on such a limb to get her back on track. It would be great if she could pull out of this and prove herself as a reputable actress. Unlike the gossip rags who thrive from her relapses—I’m rooting for a Robert Downey Jr. success story.

Good luck, Lindsay.

Barry Watson from 7th Heaven is how old?

Posted on April 23, 2013 by Danger Bowie

I had to triple take IMDB this morning. Matt Camden from 7th Heaven—or Barry Watson as his parents named him— turned 39 today. Seriously, I used to get the (Teaching Mrs.) tingles watching this guy every Monday night as the bible thumping Matt Camden on 7th Heaven.

See kids, Barry Watson was the original Taylor Kitsch.

He was the first notable incarnation of John Carter——brooding, dark eyes, shoulder-length Vidal Sassoon-ed hair. Barry was a demi-god back in ’96. I’m not sure why his star did not continue to rise after 7th Heaven left the air, but he was the champion reason why I bought BOP! magazine back in the day. Wherever you are Barry, just know that Taylor Kitsch owes you a round of drinks and pair of sneakers because without your heart-throbbing success, he could’ve never battleshipped his way into America’s heart.

Happy Birthday Barry.

Ben Affleck meet your new best friend, Ramen Noodles

Posted on April 23, 2013 by Danger Bowie

On April 29th, things are about to get real for Ben Affleck and a host of other celebrities. Live Below the Line,a campaign dedicated to challenging the way people in the U.S. think about poverty announced that Ben Affleck would be participating in this year’s Live Below the Line challenge, which requires participants to feed themselves on no more than $1.50 per day for five days next week, from April 29 to May 3.

Ben Affleck meet your new best friend, Ramen Noodles. They’re 4 for $1 at a market far from your house. And if you’d like a healthy alternative, the $0.99 Store now sells produce.

Click on the pictures for more info about this awesome campaign.

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