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So Excited for Top Five!

Top-5

I’ve been a Chris Rock fan since I was a young teen. The scream cadence and repetition of his all-too-familiar voice has always brought me laughs. I can remember going to the theater to see “Head of State” and his other various films on the day of their release and tomorrow will be no different. My excitement has only increased after reading a string of press interviews Rock has done over the last 2 weeks.

Here are a few unforgettable and poignant Rock quotes:

“I’ve got artsy taste, which is great and not great at the same time. I’d rather work with Wes Anderson, but I don’t look like Owen Wilson. I’d love to work with Alexander Payne and Richard Linklater. But they don’t really do those movies with black people that much.” —Rolling Stone

“There are almost no black women in film. You can go to whole movies and not see one black woman. They’ll throw a black guy a bone. OK, here’s a black guy. But is there a single black woman in Interstellar? Or Gone Girl? Birdman? The Purge? Neighbors? … I go to the movies almost every week, and I can go a month and not see a black woman having an actual speaking part in a movie.” —The Hollywood Reporter

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“I don’t want to [act] in anything that [takes place] before the Jackson 5. Anything before them is just black misery. Everything before the Jackson 5 is essentially slavery, or close to it. So as far as I’m concerned, Michael, Marlon, Tito, Jermaine and Jackie ended slavery.” —Rolling Stone

I wish he’d write another memoir or a political humor book, like Bill Maher. His last book, “Rock This!” was written in the late ’90s.I don’t always agree with everything he says but his thought process and the way he breaks down ideas is bar none. Warm it up, Chris!


Check out “Top Five” in theaters tomorrow!

Happy Birthday Rust Cohle! (Matthew McConaughey)

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“Life’s barely long enough to get good at one thing. So be careful what you get good at.” -Detective Rust Cohle.

Matthew McConaughey is good at acting. The man knows how to deliver a line and a great Oscar speech. He also plays a mean bongo drum. Let us celebrate the birth of the man who gave us 12 months of tremendous performances in gems like Interstellar, True Detective, Dallas Buyers Club and the most parodied Lincoln car commercial in the history of car commercials. May the McConaugh-ssance continue for years to come.

Happy 45th birthday, Mr. McConaughey!

Mad Max Fury Road: Panty Dropper


It was a typical Sunday morning filled with Coco Puff wishes and dreams of the future. But this would prove to be anything but a typical Sunday because yesterday my world would be blessed with the trailer for Mad Max Fury Road.

In case I haven’t made it abundantly clear, my dear readers: I have an enormous para-social crush on Hollywood’s Tom Hardy. Now this isn’t some bandwagon, flavor of the day “I’ve loved him since he was Bane” type thing. I’ve been rolling hard for Tom since 2009. 5 solid years of Fan-demonium. I stan for him like others stan for Beyoncé.

Have. Mercy. Tommy

All proclamations of undying love aside, I have been waiting to see this trailer since I heard my dearest Tommy had landed the role that would finally display his acting chops for the masses (sans facial mask and wacky voice).

This trailer did not disappoint. If this is what the near future looks like then I better start doing push-ups, invest in some charcoal colored makeup, and a nice Wilson’s leather coat.

2015 can not get here soon enough.

Fault in Our Stars

Stock in Kleenex to Rise 400% after viewing this movie.

Stock in Kleenex to rise 400% after viewing this movie.

Here’s the deal: I fought reading this book for the last 2 years. Every Lit Nerd I knew professed their undying love for the book and raved about how this text would bring light to the darkness that rested from within our tortured earthly souls. The fans were that dramatic. But I was steadfast in my evasiveness. I ran like Usain Bolt from this book every chance I got. I would not join the herd. Then last week, I couldn’t take it anymore. I saw the book propped up all high and mighty on the shelf at the front of the bookstore. Heckling me. “I’ve been a bestseller for like 25 years. I demand to be read!” it taunted me.

I offered a ubiquitous sigh to no one in particular and just like that, I gave in. I brought the book home and thought I’d page through a chapter or two and resign myself back to the Chuck Palahniuk fangirl that I am at heart. Something strange happened; I liked the first chapter too much. John Green, the author, created protagonists that were very Dawson’s Creekish in intellect, in that they were way more intelligent that any 16 year old that ever existed in reality (or even 35 year olds for that matter). Yet unlike Dawson and his crew, the characters remained very earnest and relatable. How could this be?!

Damn you, John Green. You’re the best. I wish i had you a decade ago when I was coming of age. This generation is too lucky. Your writing was delightful and unassuming and heart breaking. Reading your words and references coming from Augustus Water’s mouth made me feel smarter and patient. The way Hazel Grace dealt with her parents. How her dad cried… Peter Van Houten, the brazen alcoholic. I had been had. Three hours later, I finished the book and wept a small river into my pillow. I thought I had it all figured out from the cliched preview of the movie but like so many times in this life, I was wrong. How could you yet thank you for doing it.

I look forward to inhaling The Abundance of Katherines and Looking for Alaska as soon as humanly possible. I’ve already purchased my ticket to the Thursday night showing. All that’s left is to hit up my local CVS and buy $30 worth of Kleenex because tomorrow night’s forecast calls for a coming of age flick with a 100% chance of me crying like a baby in the back of an AMC Theater.

Barry Watson from 7th Heaven is how old?

Matt Camden

I had to triple take IMDB this morning. Matt Camden from 7th Heaven—or Barry Watson as his parents named him— turned 39 today. Seriously, I used to get the (Teaching Mrs.) tingles watching this guy every Monday night as the bible thumping Matt Camden on 7th Heaven.

See kids, Barry Watson was the original Taylor Kitsch.
Taylor Kitsch

He was the first notable incarnation of John Carter——brooding, dark eyes, shoulder-length Vidal Sassoon-ed hair. Barry was a demi-god back in ’96. I’m not sure why his star did not continue to rise after 7th Heaven left the air, but he was the champion reason why I bought BOP! magazine back in the day. Wherever you are Barry, just know that Taylor Kitsch owes you a round of drinks and pair of sneakers because without your heart-throbbing success, he could’ve never battleshipped his way into America’s heart.

Happy Birthday Barry.

Shia The Spy

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By now, I’ve come to recognize that due to bratty antics in and around Hollywood, my dearest Shia LaBeouf is an acquired taste—this will not stop me from crushing hard in his direction. What can I say? I like boys with chips on their shoulders. 

In the latest casting news from The Hollywood Reporter, LaBeouf will team up on a project with Robert De Niro and his former Disturbia and Eagle Eye director, DJ Caruso. Titled Spy’s Kid, the film would cast De Niro as a real-life CIA veteran convicted of spying. LaBeouf would play his son, a depressed Army discharge who ends up following in his father’s footsteps, serving as a courier of information between an Oregon federal prison and Russia.

My favorite chip-on-his-shoulder young man will pair up with my favorite grumpy-looking, older man. Swoon!

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Only God Forgives

I hit the roof with excitement when I saw this trailer for the first time a few weeks ago. Mr Winding Refn is my generation’s Kubrick—and his pairing with Gosling is just inexplicably awesome. Check out the trailer, but be warned that it gets pretty gruesome rather quickly.

Dear Tom Hardy,

Tom Hardy

Damn you for making me wish I was a puppy.

Sincerely,

Danger Bowie

Whhhhhhhhhhhhhy?!

Whhhhhhhhhhhhhy?!

Pain and Gain and how I can’t get past Marky Mark’s past.

Michael Bay has done it again.

Michael Bay has done it again.

“Pain and Gain” is the newest addition to Michael Bay’s testosterone-filled, candy coated, vapid filmography. The film stars The Rock and Mark Wahlberg as poor, bodybuilders who decide to kidnap, attack, and rob a slew of people for personal gain. Based on a real story, “Pain and Gain” is experiencing major opposition from everyone involved in the real life chaos that occurred a few years ago.

Upon googling the story, I came upon a troubling news story about Wahlberg’s checkered past that I just can’t get past.

No Pain No Gain

No Pain No Gain

He led a life characterized by incidents of petty crime, drug dealing and racism.

He harassed a group of African American school kids with racist epithets, and when he was 16, again using racist language, he attacked a middle-aged Vietnamese man and left the man blind in one eye. Wahlberg was arrested for attempted murder, plead guilty to assault, and spent 45 days in jail.

And though the right thing to do would be to try to find the man and make amends, Wahlberg says, he admits he hasn’t done so — but says he’s no longer burdened by guilt.

“I did a lot of things that I regretted and I certainly paid for my mistakes,” Wahlberg says. “You have to go and ask for forgiveness and it wasn’t until I really started doing good and doing right, by other people as well as myself, that I really started to feel that guilt go away. So I don’t have a problem going to sleep at night. I feel good when I wake up in the morning.”

Marky Mark was throwing epithets at Black people! But he was a frickin’ white rapper! How does that even work? Yuck. I mean double yuck. I mean, on a scale of 1-10 how many Hail Mary’s do you have to say for blinding a man because of his skin color? 100? 1000? Jesus wept. While we’ve all done things in our youth that were unsavory——the violence and bigotry in his past just leaves me unsettled. Is Wahlberg still straight up loony tunes with a dash or two of that Dog the Bounty Hunter/Jesse James racist streak? The world may never know..

I’m baaa-ack…

danger

After a crazy-long hiatus, I thought I’d get back to my grassroots: talking about movies and the hot boys that star in them. Prepare your beautiful eyes for some intense fan-girling. You’ve been warned.